Ok so to be poly everyone involved has to be good with it, and if you're not comfortable then it's not poly; it's cheating. My wife wasn't comfortable at first so we talked about it and now she is, but it's definitely not for everyone. The mononormative worldview in our society is DEEPLY ingrained. For the people in my polycule it's healthy and good for us, and all four of us have a good relationship with each other.