When you grow up, you will feel that not a lot of people care about what you think or look or do and it just over time gave me confidence to be not giving any fucks at all about what people think hahah
this post was submitted on 04 May 2026
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Thanks. Dunno if his issue is that people actively pick on him, or if he doesnt know how to connect with others, e.g. not knowing how to engage. One is external, the other internal. But i do recognize that its tough being a kid these days.
You get older and stop caring all the time what people think and it starts to get easier.
My first stepping stone was when nobody in my group wanted to ask for napkins when we were out eating. Which is silly, so I stepped up and ask for it because my mouth and fingers are messy. Ok the other thing is we were in a foreign country and our mastery of the language wasn't great and everyone was shy.
That's when I realize that random people thinking of me like some kind of weirdo doesn't matter because it's almost guaranteed I will never meet them again.
If I need to integrate with a group sooner or later, that's when I lurk and just sit in with a few people, listen and add in anything
I realize that last part is hard for a lot of people and I really don't have anything I can offer how to overcome the awkward feeling but I believe you can do it.
It's very true, though. I think we all deep down want to say the right things or be the star of the show, but sometimes we learn much more just by sitting, observing and waiting to say something that adds to the conversation, instead of just talking about nothing.
We're social primates. Caring what other people think is hardcoded into us, and it's not something you can just choose to stop caring about.
As people get older they just get better at tolerating that uncomfortable feeling and accepting that you can't please everyone. It's not that people like that don't care - they do - they just do it anyway. Caring isn't the issue, but when it starts affecting your behavior it might become one.
That's not quite true. It is also built into us to not care about certain people. While what you say is true about our in-group, it's not true about the out-group. So what you can actually do is mentally identify certain people as not belonging to your group, and then you can actually not care about what they think.
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I stopped being an awkward teen by simply getting older and becoming an awkward adult.
I've gone up and down throughout my life, and these days I am quite an awkward individual in person.
However, what worked for me in my early 20s when I was probably at my most sociable was finding a hobby to interact with people in. Even something as simple as a monthly book group can work wonders on your social skills
From your perspective, is it easier to let them figure it out, or for me to try to participate also, then ease up when they find some momentum?
I think it has to depend on a person by person basis. For example, I have to be left for me to figure it out, if anyone else tries to get involved then I guarantee I will be burnt out after a day and then just give up for a while.
Others may benefit from the help and guidance, but not all of us unfortunately 😔
Yup. Im like you in that regard.
I didn't. I'm still awkward. But that hasn't stopped me from living my life.
I was at a party with my parents one day celebrating our national day. I decided right there that I was going to talk to someone and I started up a conversation with an old gentleman which I was able to carry for a good long time. From then on, every time I was at a social event with people I didn't know, I talked to at least one person.
Then when I was able to drink, I'd stop in at a bar and strike up conversation with random people. Alcohol helped a lot.
Alcohol is the Great Social Lubricant. There a lots of activities that allow for some responsible drinking while having fun with friends or new people, like student associations, sport teams, Renaissance fairs, concerts, house parties, etc. Just get a drink and go talk to people. You'll probably do some stupid stuff as well, but at least that makes for good stories.
By becoming an awkward adult
Get a job where you deal with the public.
You'll get paid and you will learn quickly.
I learned how not to be awkward with experience. I paid attention to what people thought was awkward, got a feel for it, generalized, and tried to avoid it. It's all practice.
This is great. But he hasnt yet recognised that it might be his behavior that is pushing people away.
I had an autism diagnosis. I found a friend with even more autism through school. Thats kinda it
fake it till you make it, eventually my joking 'girlboss' attitude just turned into having some confidence. also I'm a girl now
Sinking into depression
I had someone tell it to me straight - that the reason I was getting side-eyes and laughter behind my back and why girls wanted nothing to do with me was because I was an awkward dweeb.
At first it kind of hurt my feelings, but it kind of woke me up to the reality of the situation and I began to not only notice how other people saw me, but I started examining myself and my own actions in a more critical light.
Most of the time it was me behaving inappropriately in the given situation. Everyone else walking to their next class? There's me Naruto running down the hall. You get the idea.
I had to learn to identify the behaviors that people were critical of or found off-putting, and learn the appropriate behavior to emulate. Eventually, after I learned the correct response to any particular social situation, it was less about knowledge and more about confidence. I was lucky to make some well-adjusted and confident friends in high school who helped me learn what it was all about. I didn't fret about talking to random people anymore, I could carry on a normal conversation for at least five minutes, I developed "normal" hobbies and interests (but crucially I kept my old ones as well, they were just not the first things I would lead with when talking to people), and in general I just mellowed out a little and developed the skill to be able to read a room and know how to deal with certain people.
tl;dr - someone talked to me and told me I was an awkward kid, but they also did their best to help me identify and fix the things that made me weird and unlikable.
This is a good take. Thanks! I think he needs a good grounding in that he gets ultra defensive that everyone else is the problem. Will have a think about how to go about it.
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I’m still awkward.
Me too. Pretty sure I'll even die awkwardly.
Same :(
Lol. We just get better at hiding it.
I read a book about autism
Covid gave a lot of time to think and lots of time to reflect...especially also finding out im Bi and then meeting the diverse ppl helped a lot
I did a horrible and dangerous job for 2 years while undergoing the most intensive psychotherapy that exists. It improved my social skills, developed a skillset that's rare and highly valued in my chosen field, and completely recalibrated my sense of hardship.
This is what i did for my own journey. Trying to find the angle how to encourage him to try it for himself.
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Unironically, season 1 of Dexter was a big help in jumpstarting it. Bringing baked goods is still my #1 strategy of getting on someone's good side, especially at work haha
Find equally awkward friends.
I took estrogen and everything worked itself out from there~
Seriously though, there were a few factors. It was a combinations of building up my confidence (that's how estrogen helped, turns out when you stop hating your body and life, you get more confident) and actively constructing situations that allowed me to connect and build relationships with people. I started a book club as a not so subtle way to get people in a room and talking to me, I reached out to people to have them round for dinner, I put a lot of effort into being thoughtful and kind. Developing a variety of hobbies and interests means I have plenty to talk about and lots to fill my time when I'm not doing that - a creative hobby is especially great for that.
Thats great! Thanks for sharing. Trying to show him that skills are like tools - the more collect, the more you have, and the more likely it will be that suddenly it seems you have a tool for everything, and people either start thinking youre a genius, or start to take advantage of you. Difference is, having the tools means you can choose.
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I developed a secondary extrovert personality and used it in social occasions. Used it enough that it comes naturally now.
I copied a lot of behavior from other people, how to trigger the right dialogue tree, etc.
Different settings, jobs, locations.
Also, and this will be very unpopular, but beer really helped. Not at work or during the day (thankfully), but alcohol unlocked me socially and improved my confidence as I met more and more people while I traveled. Not that I'm recommending teens do this, and it's probably illegal for them in the US anyway, but for me it was a fantastic social lubricant.
finding a group wont stick unless you have a level of cohesion, which takes you being comfortable. I agree with your thoughts that can be via a study/hobby/shared interest. But a big bonus of this is your happiness.
Figure what makes you happy, this is not things...this is something that makes you feel peacefull, fullfilled, excited to be part of.
Use your comfort routines, but not to a detriment. Hiding is a comfort but not helpful to the end goal. Test the boundaries of being around people, practice small breathing techniques. There are lots of others just like you doing the same thing despite appearances.
Likewise there is always an arsehole. Everywhere, there is one at school, one at work, one on your street. Learning to spot them and live with them is uncomfy but is a good skill lifelong.
As others have said learning not give a fuck about what people think of you is liberating, however its also a balance as friendships need cultivating, this is part of routine, they are not just a need them when you need them thing.
Good luck, trying is the first step. I hope happiness finds you, and wraps you up.
It takes a while to learn how to not give a fuck about what people think of you. But in a respectable way of course. If you stop giving a fuck you can just be yourself. Took me at least until I was 25 before I could really be myself. Looking at the people around me that age can definitely be much lower or even higher though. I still care about what some people in my life think about me, and I try to live up to their expectations because I love them.
Your idea of doing social activities is a pretty good idea too. Meeting all kinds of different people is a good way to get out of your shell and you'll automatically care less about what they might think of you because if it doesn't click with them that's perfectly fine and you can just continue your journey.
Essentially, practice. I at some point figured that I was never going to be popular in the school I was in. So I used it as a testing ground. Tried different things, tested my classmates reactions. Because of my family moving I ended up at two different schools after that, which I could then also use to practice - each one worked out better than the previous one. Eventually I got to the point where I wasn't too awkward anymore. (Except until I was psychologically abused, but that's another story...)
The secret, it applies to everything in life: No one cares about what you do, who you are, or what clothes you wear.
upskilling
Feel free, you're free, no one cares! Upskilling would be dancing lessons for an awkward guy/girl who doesn't know dancing is fun.
find a group
Find a group that does what you like or what you may like. Go one step further. If you feel that it could be interesting in a parallel universe, even if it's not your passion right now, try it.
hobby
What do you like? Take it to 11, write a blog, be an expert, you have all the time in your life!
Summer camp might be a good option to break out of old habits, get new acquaintances and renewed self esteem.
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