this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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I relate to this one, like half of the posts or comments I make are edited because i just always find a way to forget something or make a spelling error lol

top 36 comments
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[–] Fluffy_Ruffs@lemmy.world 133 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

You can tell it's real by the different font sizes

[–] uin@lemmy.world 25 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Or it could be stitched together

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

The iMessage app would still have the same font size throughout scrolling.

[–] fushuan@piefed.blahaj.zone 6 points 4 weeks ago

Crop two pics into not the same size then resize the lower one so it fits the same width. Idk, seems plausible.

[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 71 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] zloubida@sh.itjust.works 18 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Super cool comment lowleveldata

[–] AmbitiousProcess@piefed.social 8 points 4 weeks ago

Super cool comment zloubida

[–] trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf 58 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (2 children)

I fumbled a threesome like this. I was balls to the wall fucked up on a green dragon tincture, three droppers full. I got a pic from two acquaintances kissing and was like "damn, seems like you both are having fun". Wasn't until later that that someone told me what they were trying to do. Even later on I found out I may or may not be autistic.

[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 34 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I dunno man, I've watched too many movies where a couple of hotties seduce a dude and then it turns into horror. Don't rule out that the acquaintances were just messing with you.

[–] trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf 9 points 4 weeks ago

In this situation nah because a woman I started dating briefly around that time told me

Tap for spoilerShe had a threesome with one of the two women in the photo and another guy. Basically, this chick had a kink for dominating other women, watching and encouraging while they got fucked etc.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 7 points 4 weeks ago

Remember, leave your money and cards at home. Just in case.

[–] diabetic_porcupine@lemmy.world -1 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

It’s okay man maybe they were trying to entrap you in a rape case

[–] trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] diabetic_porcupine@lemmy.world 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Hey you never know you may have dodged a bullet. You won’t ever catch me getting entrapped im too smart for the female population

[–] gandalf_der_12te@feddit.org 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

im too smart for the female population

when you say "im too smart for the female population", you're basically just saying that you're never getting laid, right?

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Pretty sure that's what they meant and also that it was a joke

[–] TachyonTele_Esq@piefed.social 2 points 3 weeks ago

Does that mean I might still have chance with the female population?

[–] morrowind@lemmy.ml 33 points 4 weeks ago (6 children)

Fellas help me out with that Lemmyrizz, what is the appropriate response if a girl sends you this

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 64 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

"I showed this to my mother and she says that you need to eat more. Something about child bearing hips. My dad wants to know who fitted your mirror?
Btw, nice tits"

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 35 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Absurd could be taken the wrong way though

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 weeks ago

"The back of your head is ridiculous!"

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 35 points 4 weeks ago

"Better switch to a messaging app with end-to-end encryption if you want to share pictures like this https://signal.org/install"

[–] Leg@sh.itjust.works 26 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Let your eyeballs pop out of your head, your tongue unfurl onto the floor, your heart beat through your chest and spring back inside, all while either howling, whistling, or going with the classic "YEAH, BABY!"

This has worked for me literally every single time.

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 7 points 4 weeks ago

I usually drop to my hands and knees, panting with my tongue out and banging a fist on the floor.

[–] Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 weeks ago

You say 'hubba hubba'.

[–] too_high_for_this@lemmy.world 7 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Tasteful bulge pic. No shirt, boxer briefs with an obvious half chub.

Unless they have a great sense of humor, then it's the opposite. Donald Ducking with a throbbing erection and a thumbs up.

I also like to do dick cleavage. Pull boxers down so the base of the shaft is showing.

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 7 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

Are you referencing the Donald Duck dick pic from John Oliver's Last Week Tonight that gets brought up with every duck story (last time with the Reflecting Pool)?

Cartoon NSFW

Yes, drakes do have corkscrew penises

[–] yetAnotherUser@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Surely that isn't anatomically accurate, is it?

Also, do ducks even have balls?

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 7 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

No, it isn't. Ducks usually have smaller eyeballs and no clothes. Their testicles are internal and the featherless penis is pink, thinner and more twisted (but can be as long as the rest of the body).

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 7 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Pro-tip for the final stages: most phones can do slow-mo for any grand moments you'd like to capture.

I don't normally share my secret recipes.

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 4 weeks ago

Bridget?

Bridget?

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 7 points 4 weeks ago

Yes, the pic is after some reflection but that's not a big issue, it can be flipped digitally

[–] Prathas@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 weeks ago

This feels like the start to the movie Obsession.

[–] nitroemdash@lemmy.wtf 1 points 3 weeks ago

What's the problem?