Ask Lemmy

Two minute rule. If you can do it in two minutes, just do it.

Better, there's an entire book of them. "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" (DBT) calls them "skills", but they could just as easily be called psychological cheat codes or lifehacks.

When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.

Be kind to your future self.

Helps me when I feel like procrastinating or overworking.

If you want a clear answer/decision for something (instead of "whatever", "don't care") give two alternatives, the other simply has to choose one. If you only give one, the other might feel pressured/manipulated.

I can be pretty direct (I'm Dutch lol what can I say), so I've learned to follow it up with something like "is that OK?" or "does that sound good to you?"

If you're overthinking or worried about something you can't control, other than something like planning for contingency, all that overthinking is pointless. Worse than pointless, since it adds stress and anxiety. There's usually zero real benefit.

It takes practice, but being able to say to yourself "well, I'll deal with that when it happens. No point in worrying about that now, " helps keep you out of the doom loop.

Kindness and understanding first and foremost, always. But when dealing with uppity assholes in a situation where you are right, first remind yourself that nearly all adults are just faking it to get by, then start making direct eye contact, make every statement crisp, concise, and do not use any "partial" words {words like guess, sort of, possibly, might be, probably, etc) and when you've said what needs to be said stop talking, keep making eye contact, and focus on the idea that there is no other way than the way you just said. Don't be hostile, don't be insulting, smug, or anything other than resolute. Never break that silence first.

Most of the time, that will get you through, either by convincing everyone else that the issue is ended, or if any of these people are that rare adult who legit has their shit together, they will either move things along or engage you directly to work out a solution.

Confidence is one of the rare things that if you lie about it really well, it becomes truth.

This isn't some alpha thing, it's about removing unnecessary doubt. Sometimes that's more dangerous/costly/wasteful than anything else.

When working security / event safety and I’d have to request a member of the public stop doing something I’d speak to them and then I’d disconnect my ears while maintaining eye contact - I just nod along to the pair of bumping gums opposite me until they stop. Then I’d repeat what had to be said. Most times things got resolved.

Not techniques I use personally, but different forms of manipulation that one could (but shouldn't) use. You should look out for:

1. Informing someone of a fact that is different than what the recipient actually experienced. If they question it, tell them they just forgot it. This works best on people who don't write stuff down (like a diary).
2. Giving someone a gift out of nowhere. To most people, this gives them the feeling that they owe you.
3. Helping someone frequently to the point where they start relying on you. (See previous point)

A few manipulation techniques that should not be used. If you see someone doing these things, assume they have an ulterior motive.

Go to therapy and work on yourself deliberately for years and years. It works. I was super messed up and hateful and angry and I would never have believed that I could love myself, but I do.

I know "cheat code" implies quick or easy or both and this isn't either one, but it's life changing if you do it.

If you look a little angry all the time nobody guesses that you're actually stoned as balls.

Just tell yourself you're not going to lift heavy/are going to lift light. When you don't have the motivation (or whatever) to go to the gym, tell yourself this. Like, "I'm not going to work too hard. It'll be easy." Works a treat. Then even if you end up doing that (which is unlikely - I always end up getting in the mood hehe) then at least you did something and kept the momentum.

Edit to say: The hardest lift is getting off the couch.

Very interesting question honestly. The folks at my work probaby wonder it considering I am always giving enthusiasm even at the start of the work week.

I would not so much call it a "cheat code," but what helps is to place yourself in this moment in time. What happened did, what happens now is, what happens later is not yet reality. To be fully present in the moment you are, and to embrace that and be in tune with your inner realm, that is how you can live life fully. At least, that is how I see it.

Many worry about the past which is just pointless, many worry about the future which will come regardless of worry and can only be changed by being present in the now. If we lose ourselves in times that are not, we lose the time that is, which is a travesty. "Right now is still special because you are here for it."

I used to do a lot of driving for work and it's important to manage stress in traffic. Whenever someone would do something that aggravated me, I'd pretend that they did it for some silly reason and it helped me stay calm.

Someone cut you off? They must have have to shit so bad. Someone driving crazy fast? They're trying to get to their wife before their girlfriend does.

I do method acting, like "in this next scene I am going to play an extrovert who enjoys making small talk at professional conferences with potential customers and employers"

When you're kind to people or simply are polite, they help you.

Cleaning when I feel bad. Getting rid of physical things is a substitute for getting rid of mental things. Clean outside = clean(er) inside.

Any_Austin is a youtuber and pilot who uses a pilot's checklist

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IMSAFE

In his everyday life to help him understand why he's feeling bad or grumpy. He talked about it in his podcast with Memoria.

1. When I have a thought I don't want, i hum a little tune

2. When I feel bad about something happening right now I remind myself that no feeling is forever, everything is temporary, there's always a tomorrow

3. When I feel bad about something that happened in the past I remind myself that happened to me, that I transcended it, and it doesn't define me, but allowed me to make better choices in future

4. I swapped alcohol and soda for seltzer

Whenever someone is doing, or is about to do, something stupid, simply say out loud what they're doing, and ask what they want to happen.

If you don't want to go outside, put on sunscreen. Might as well go outside now so as not to waste it.

If someone is using rhetorical questions in a discussion, answer them earnestly. If you're not a prick about it it's a great way to defuse a heated debate sometimes.

I just tell myself nothing really matters and we are going to die anyway, this really cheers me up, else I'd be too worried about all the shit going on.