this post was submitted on 18 Apr 2025
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[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

Wish I had dodged it, but a general piece of advice for everyone is familiarize yourself well with what a narcissist is, covert, overt, whatever kind, and if you are in a relationship and someone is making you question yourself, telling you something never happened or that you're too sensitive or crazy or whatever or trying to isolate you or tell you that you shouldn't talk about your relationship problems to other people, GTFO. Always have some fuck off money saved and a go bag packed. Learn what grey rocking is until you get someplace safe. They don't change, they don't have insight, but they'll lie their way into convincing you it's all you and what you've done. They're actually incredibly dangerous.

And if someone is pushing you to try polyamory and you don't want to, you're just heading for a split anyway and they are going to cheat anyway. This didn't happen to me but it's such a red flag. If you are both into it, you do you, but it's never a good sign if someone is trying to force you into it.

Finally, don't ever lose control over your finances. This was a big mistake I've made and I'm paying for it. A favourite trick of my narcissist SO was to take my credit card and buy himself a bunch of stuff to upset me when he felt like I wasn't "engaged in the relationship", which meant I was depressed and withdrawn because of the hell he was putting me through.

[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 55 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Broke off an engagement when he started showing hints of being way more trad / misogynist than he wanted me to see. It took him a few more years to come out of his closet with full Trump/ MAGA/ patriarchal/ white nationalist delusions. He did marry someone else and she recently pressed DV charges and divorced him. I don't talk to either of them directly, but the stories I hear through friends and family sound like full blown reddit writing exercises.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 9 points 6 days ago

That's very lucky

[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

You will henceforth be called "Neo from the Matrix movies in that one slow motion scene, you know which one I'm talking about"

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago

do you perhaps know a recipe for pancakes?

[–] laurel@lemmy.ca 53 points 6 days ago

A cop responding to a DV incident at my apartment told me privately that “statistically speaking, this guy is far more likely to murder you than ever follow through on any of the changes he keeps promising you.” I’m still here, haven’t spoken to that guy in years, and I never deal with cops anymore.

[–] ocean@lemmy.selfhostcat.com 10 points 5 days ago (1 children)

One time I was breaking up with a gf and she told me in an attempt to make me mad that she cheated on me. Idek if it’s true or not but bruh, that just makes me confirm you’re trash.

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Sounds like she was baiting you so you get mad at her so can play the victim, she was treated horribly and she would gossip it to all the people around her to get sympathy,

[–] ocean@lemmy.selfhostcat.com 2 points 4 days ago

Probably right! It was already over, how could they hurt me haha

[–] waz@lemmy.world 33 points 6 days ago

I think I was the bullet my relationships dodged. I didn't realize how broken my childhood was and how shitty I treated my girlfriends. I don't know what changed. Maybe it was just putting some distance between me and my family, but something let me develop a little perspective. I wish I could go back and apologize to so many exes.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 6 points 4 days ago

Told a girl who confessed to me back in middle school I don't believe her.

I grew up to be a piece of shit, sure spared her a lot of pain.

[–] yesman@lemmy.world 28 points 6 days ago (2 children)

My first real girlfriend got pregnant soon after we broke up. Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if I did a teen pregnancy.

At this point in my life I'd barely traveled out of my red State; believed in Jesus; and the only contact I'd had with politics was Rush Limbaugh. Honestly, not ending up a Trump supporter with my demographics is like Neo-level bullet dodging.

[–] capital_sniff@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago

Did you go to college?

[–] starlinguk@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

On average, most teenage pregnancies are fathered by guys who are 7 years older than the girl. I.e. groomers.

[–] Pronell@lemmy.world 24 points 6 days ago

When I was in my mid 30s, a cute young 24 year old online started hitting on me.

Turned out she had three kids with three different dads and the most recent one was in jail for domestic abuse.

I still almost went for it though. Problem is my life was in the shitter and couldn't even afford to fly down or for her up to see me.

We were 'together' for about six months when I wised up and broke it off.

[–] umbraroze@slrpnk.net 7 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Content advisory: boneheaded discussion of suicidal ideation by an armchair psychologist

About a decade ago I was friends with a fellow weird unemployed video game nerd lady who liked books and stuff. Had lots in common. Had fun talking over Xbox games and stuff. Was pretty patient with my depressed stuff. Usually.

But I noticed she was pretty often in open conflict with other people. I'm thinking the reason she didn't get mad at me because I was following her "rules". I guess we just agreed to disagree sometimes. Later, I realised I was just doing what I usually did in most social situations, walking on eggshells to not annoy people.

Content warning

She "temporarily" blocked me on most venues because I broke one of the rules. You see, I had mentioned razors. She said, essentially, that I should not talk about suicide because she knew what suicidal people were like and I was not suicidal, according to her. She said people shouldn't be suicidal around her because that made her uncomfortable. (...I wonder what do the suicidal people feel like in that situation, you dum-dum?)

Now, I was deeply depressed at the time (not suicidal, that's true) and as someone who was walking on eggshells, I tended to look up to most people.

But at that moment, the room was filled with light. For I knew, in my very essence, that this woman was a dumbass.

In the email, I had been talking about Occam's Razor. Or was it Hanlon's Razor? Can't remember. Metaphorical shit. I also I explicitly said this is just metaphorical stuff and she shouldn't get alarmed.

I couldn't keep up with her even if I had bothered to. She went through like 3 email addresses and 3 blogs and 3 gamertags due to getting hacked and due to the drama. Don't know, don't care. Not nominal people numbers.

Dumb story, wasn't it?

[–] Bruncvik@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Dodged by no fault of mine. She dumped me because I made fun of her beliefs in astrology. From the little I keep hearing about her, she makes all her decisions according to horoscopes, pendulums, some kind of wooden sticks, etc. Because of that she eventually left a very successful career, her husband, moved across the country to a place she has no ties to, etc. I keep hearing gradually less about her, as she keeps cutting off all our mutual friends.

[–] nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 2 points 5 days ago

Hey, wooden sticks are a legit way to make life decisions. Source: Yojimbo.

[–] Elaine@lemm.ee 17 points 6 days ago

Broke up with a really cute, fun person because they didn’t take care of themselves and I couldn’t see that going well in the future. They died of a stroke a couple years later.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I was passionately in love with a parasitic substance abuser

It was fun. By all the gods people have invented, it was fun. She was amazing at turning on the charm. All my friends were thrilled for me, saying how delightful she was

What they didn't see was the manipulation, the abuse and expert-level twisting of everything to be either my responsibility or my fault

It all fell apart when I was busy working and she started using again. We weren't angels. We drank (her drinking worried me, and that's saying a lot given how fond of booze I am), we took drugs, we were playing very hard

If I hadn't ended it, I know that it would have cost me everything. I was perilously close to doing things that would have cost me my career (which I did eventually anyway, but under quite different circumstances)

But without my "supervision", she slipped back into getting high as soon as she was awake. I started to see why she was a child in an adult's body

One day, her excuses for her shitty behaviour sounded even more hollow than usual, so I pulled the pin.

I learnt a lot. I'm glad it happened, but I wouldn't do it again.

[–] captainjaneway@lemmy.world 15 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Ex cheated on me. She tried to get me back. I said no. She ended up engaged to the guy she cheated on me with. Then she went full on bridezilla and he broke it off with her.

[–] peaceful_world_view@lemmy.world -2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

None, all my past GF's were awesome, the trick is to chose wisely.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 0 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Why are they your past gf's then?

[–] starlinguk@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Sometimes things just don't work out. I have a few exes I'm still good friends with.