this post was submitted on 13 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Going from shampoo to ram poo.

[–] UxyIVrljPeRl@lemmy.world 177 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Flared bottom would have made it 450%

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 91 points 2 days ago (17 children)

Yeah, all I see are embarrassing trips to the ER.

[–] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 54 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I was uhhhh…trying to shampoo myself REALLY well.

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 33 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

the shower didn't have a place for me to put it

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[–] WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 16 points 1 day ago

Without a base, without a trace

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 28 points 2 days ago

And what if they had a "vibrate" function. You know, to get the last bit of shampoo out easier.

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[–] entwine413@lemm.ee 82 points 2 days ago (7 children)

That's the same energy as flour companies making floral patterned burlap bags during the great depression because people were using them to make clothes.

[–] tuxiqae@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 day ago

Wasn't it the other way around? I was certain it was: Floral patterns > clothes > mills kept on using those

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[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 37 points 1 day ago

A lot of teenagers that have had to be in the grocery aisle are very grateful.

[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 122 points 2 days ago (2 children)

"So you slipped in the bathroom... and fell on top of the shampoo bottle?"

[–] davepleasebehave@lemmy.world 64 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Million to one shot Jerry!

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[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 28 points 2 days ago

No, actually I was bored.

[–] Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 74 points 2 days ago (1 children)

They gon' introduce a dragon scent next?

😏

[–] notabot@lemm.ee 30 points 2 days ago

Not a particularly good one...

[–] misteloct@lemmy.dbzer0.com 26 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Nobody: There's no such thing as picking a perfect Lemmy community

OP:

[–] Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 28 points 2 days ago (5 children)

So they also double as dildos?

[–] Jumpingspiderman@lemmy.world 42 points 1 day ago

Not much gets by you, does it?

[–] barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 5 points 1 day ago
[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

hornyI use plastic bottles as dildos, so it's doable. With a lot of practice, you can even use 500ml+ bottles, some even going up to 1.5l. I really need to get a 750ml one, since going from the 500ml to 1l directly is not feasible.

[–] Luffy879@lemmy.ml 13 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Why do I have the feeling you will end like the jar man, but instead the label will peel off and you will get poisoning from the glue

Even more hornyAlso how the fuck do you manage this? I can't even get a 2 cm thick oval thing in there without it hurting like hell

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Practice. A lot of practice.

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[–] benni@lemmy.world 38 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Is this AI generated? It's reached a point where I cannot even tell anymore.

[–] hopesdead@startrek.website 10 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I’ve seen a British comedy that had this as a joke. But the movie was a sleezebag of a comedy. All about a dude that works at a grocery story at night, gains the ability to freeze time and messes with the women he sees shopping. I am glad I can’t remember the title.

[–] Ageroth@reddthat.com 12 points 1 day ago

Cash back
The dude who can freeze time (framed as him imagining) isn't the one adding dildo shaped shampoo to women's grocery carts to see if they'll buy it when the get to the checkout. He just uses his time powers to, ahem, artistically admire women's naked bodies when they're grocery shopping and unaware they're being the subject of his drawing

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[–] Geetnerd@lemmy.world 41 points 2 days ago (3 children)

No joke, I have a very close friend who is a vagabond. It the most literal sense of the word. He has no permanent residence.

I love the guy, he's a great friend, loyal, dependable, trustworthy.

But, I've heard that people have found objects beneath the couch he crashed on with... certain matter on it.

Hey, I'm not judging, but at least you could take that with you, or wash it off.

[–] JudahBenHur@lemm.ee 31 points 2 days ago (7 children)
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[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That ain't no lemon shape that I've ever seen.

[–] Thadden@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

There's even kinkier stuff...

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