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I'm a parent. I'm not going to try and sell you on having a kid; don't do it unless you know you want to. What I'm about to say isn't trying to sell you on parenthood or making apologetics, but just sharing my own personal experience having thought of almost all the same things you've thought and then crossed the bridge anyway. I figure that parenting really isn't about what you get out of it, and you do get stuff out of it- the love, the experience, the ups and downs, someone to depend on and who depends on you. In a lot of ways it's a microcosm of the human social experience in that you much more personally experience the things that make up existing with others in a society. You don't necessarily need kids the same way you don't necessarily need a significant other or a circle of friends, it's just that humans are, by our nature, social creatures, and we're almost always better off with richer social connections in our life than not. Yeah, you definitely do lose stuff; take autonomy, it's kind of similar to how you lose a certain degree of autonomy when you get into a serious long term relationship, only you really shouldn't break up with your kids if they piss you off. If that tradeoff isn't for you, that's cool!

Everybody's different, but my kids have motivated me to get involved in politics (beyond just voting) at the local level and try to start planting trees whose shade I may never get to enjoy. It made me think hard about the kind of world that we're leaving to them, and about what responsibility I have as a parent to do what I can to make that world a better place. I don't expect anything from them; if they move away to live their life, that's fine, I trust them to use their best judgment and live their life how they see fit, and just knowing that they're depending on us to do everything we can for them has really motivated me to think differently about things in ways that I believe are generally positive. In case you're curious about it, you could always try hosting an exchange student. It's about the lowest commitment way to be a parent to someone, especially since they're typically older teenagers. If you hate their guts, you can always ask the host organization that they be placed elsewhere. I've hosted I think eight exchange kids, and in hindsight, I don't regret a single instance, even for the kids we didn't get along with and had to place elsewhere.

If you like working with kids, you could become a Big Brother or Big Sister too. They'll remember you. ❤️

This might be a good time to pitch looking into joining or starting a local chapter of Strong Towns. They're a local-first advocacy group rooted in the premise that our cities are broken because we've been building them badly for nearly 100 years now. Strong Towns aims to restore cities as places that are built first and foremost for people to live in. As I've gotten deeper into this, it's really shocked me how much of the blame lies nearly exclusively with municipal policy and political inertia (politicians sticking with doing things the established bad way because that's the established way and they'd rather have a bankrupt, unlivable city than risk changing what they know). The good news is that municipal policy is probably the easiest, most accessible level of policy to effect, and it has the most direct and immediate impact on your life and the lives of people around you. Affecting good urban policy to make our cities livable is what Strong Towns is all about.

You might also look at the Leadership Council for Justice and Accountability. They're another local-first group that focuses on all forms of justice for lower-income communities.

But if your child dies in a pointless war we can offer you a satchel of potatoes. Is good, yes?