I do wonder how many people got their first spark in making music through these recorder classes. I figured that'd be the main purpose, introduce kids to a form of art they might later develop a passion for, which would make it pretty much ineffective as I believe most people passionate about music didn't catch if from recorders.
But apparently, it's to teach kids how to read music which makes a lot more sense now that I think about it but still feels like something some English guy decided was part of a well-rounded education and nobody's bothered to question it since.
I'm not saying that reading music isn't important or anything just that it's use is probably much more limited to professional spaces since the advent of recording devices, music notation is still pretty kick-ass though and I see why someone would still want it as part of the curriculum.
Personally, I think it'd be really fun if music classes could use apps like GarageBand or something- that way you could use whichever instrument you prefer and also play around with things like pitch and stuff so it'd have this sense of exploration. But, even aside from cost concerns there's already issues with how digitized educations so I'm not sure taking away analog instruments is really the best idea
Your sexual fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of. Because that's all they are, fantasies. There's no need to feel bad for doing something that hurts no one. Have you considered seeing a therapist? If there's one near you that is, it's not super original advice but it couldn't hurt at least. It might not feel like much right now, but the fact that you managed to get through such traumatic circumstance is incredible in and of itself. Especially since, you're still keeping an eye towards the future. It's okay if you don't feel your best right now, just try and focus on making the next step. Also, if it's not too late, I could maybe help out with some of your assignments? I'm not like super smart but I'm confident I can help a bit. Godspeed