MrShankles

"You got the brains god promised a crowbar"

Instead of: 'your mom', 'that's what she said', 'title of your sex tape', etc... I just say, "jokes".

Doesn't matter what the joke is, but what was said definitely has a joke in there somewhere. It's an implied innuendo, and it's mostly for my own amusement

"I'm giving 'er all she's got!!!" = "Jokes"

You shift your body subconsciously all of the time, especially while sitting/lying down; this naturally prevents bed sores

If you're at risk of developing bed sores from wrinkly sheets, then you probably won't have the strength to make your bed every day. Bed sores are more frequent with neuropathy, weakness, altered mental status etc; but for the average healthy folk... no, wrinkly sheets won't (significantly) increase your risk for bed sores

Underlying conditions (acute or chronic) are the reasons for bed sores. You can have a perfectly smooth bed, but if you're not making subtle weight shifts, you'll get a bed sore

Having multiple personalities, but they all have depression :(

Out of cheese‽ Twooo sleeves of crackers it is then

They're decreasing the food, so they gotta increase the circus

ER nurses: Imagination is your limit; now where tf did the patient go‽

Silk road

Add complimentary saltines in the waiting room, and they might increase profit margins slightly

You calm down, this person's tapped a market of people willing to pay $10+ per drink from a vending machine! I wanna know their secret, cause I'm switching careers if I can pull ~$78k annually from a single machine

So about $10 a drink minimum? (assuming $300/day gross income)

If they can find 30 people per day to pay those prices, they need to quit their job and go full time into vending machine sales. They have a gift