Una

Hi! I'm not yet transitioning because transphobia and I'm scared, but I'm doing small steps and growing my hair and I got small bangs, by recommendation from trans women on social media, and this is first time I was able to look at myself and see androgynous /fem person and it makes me happy, unfortunately others don't see me such but I'm at the beginning of my self discovery. Honestly I feel happy, hope you are having great day 🩷🩷 Honestly, what do y'all think about me, am I ugly? Will I look beautiful after transition?

So, as a child, specifically pre puberty or during puberty I was basically in total self isolation and not interested for anything, and I even neglected my hygiene and showered once a week. Well today I'm trying my best to do at least bare minimum and shower every day, or maybe sometimes skip a day. But I still sometimes feel like I am dirty and like I stink no matter how much I clean myself and how much deodorant and parfume I apply. Idk what to do.

TW: Will contain use of words porn, penis. But this was one of the things made me realize I am not really a man.

Hi, well I'm Una. 20 years old trans woman who still is not transitioning which I will not talk about why now. Now I just want to vent about my childhood. I am from Croatia.

I really remember much, before puberty I was shy but still playful child nothing extraordinary. But since puberty started I was getting more self isolated, and no I wasn't abused or bullied or something, I was just isolating myself and neglecting my hygiene that I showered once a week. Around my puberty is when I got WiFi access at home, and at 12-13 don't really know was when I first discovered porn and from here I discovered how much I hate having penis and how much I hate when I or anyone else touch it and wished I was never born with it, I was always sad why I couldn't be lesbian, why I couldn't been born woman and have a girlfriend. Whenever I tried to talk to people I can't, my hearth goes crazy and I sweat my only conversations were dark humor and sharing morbid tiktoks and reels to friends.

I don't want to live like this, I wish this wasn't my life I hate this.

My whole life I felt like I wasn't me, like I was spectator in foreign body.

But I don't know how to come out to anyone and I'm scared because I don't know if I should come out. Also in Croatia in order to access gender affirming care I need to get diagnosed with gender dysphoria.

Worst thing is, it is hard for me to show any emotions so I look 😐 while 😭😭

I don't want to die because then it will say "young man died because....." I don't want to die, I am scared of death. I don't want to live like this, I hate when others see me as a man, I hate my male anatomy. Right now as I am writing this, my face is emotionless and now I am doubting myself if this what I am writing is even real 😭😭😭

I was incel my whole life 😭😭😭 I hate my life 😭😭😭

Hi, I just want to say how happy I am that I finally replaced my old battery which was basically dead with a new one, successfully and I feel happy for it. Right now I'm writing this on that laptop which is charging, but I'm calibrating the battery which is recommended in a manual. Anyone wondering, I ordered it from ifixit store. How is everyone doing?

I'm sorry I'm so sad and I don't have any friend to whom I can come out and I HATE SEEING MYSELF IN REFLECTIONS 😭😭😭