dandelion

Lemmy can't resist a good bean joke, can they?

ah, I could easily see that happening to me; every day the largest dilator is just so uncomfortable and it takes so much time and pain for it to stretch everything out, and doing that every day multiple times a day could be quite a burden.

I completely understand getting exhausted with that task and not prioritizing it - that's fair. This was a concern I had for myself, I even considered a shallow-depth / vulvaplasty for this reason (and I mean, there are so many reasons to do it - fewer risks, faster recovery, etc.). I've had struggles with executive dysfunction, so I was really concerned.

I'll just have to see how it goes - but I've also been told that maintaining width is really up to the individual. There's no imperative to maintain a given width, and I've heard of people slowly stretching and getting width back after they paused dilation for a long time.

I'm not sure how you feel about giving up on dilation, but it seems like it might be less of a big deal than some people make it out to be, at least.

Either way, thank you for sharing your experiences - I'm so lucky to be able to learn from you. ❤️

I'm so sorry to hear that Ada :-(

Do you remember when the scarring became evident, and what that timeline was like? I've heard tightening and scarring can happen after, and to expect to lose depth as a result - just not sure when to expect that. I've been using the smallest diameter dilator (Purple, 1 1/8 inch or ~2.8 cm) for the first 5 minutes to open up the canal and maintain the max depth I can (so far that's up to the 5th dot).

It's hard for me to tell with my own situation - there is certainly a significant tightness down there, especially with the Orange dilator (it's my first full week with that size). It can take me maybe 10 - 20 minutes sometimes to get the orange dilator as far as it will go (which is usually with the 4th dot as far as the inner labia, and the 5th dot as far as the outer labia and the 3rd dot no longer visible).

Stretching a piercing doesn't sound entirely outside what I experience - tense and uncomfortable describe some of my experience, I just don't think it's half as painful as, for example, anal sex has been for me. I was surprised by that I guess, maybe I built up dilation to be not just a day-long exhausting chore, but an intensely painful one as well.

I'm so glad you were able to get the surgery, you have mentioned it was a long term desire. Honestly it feels like a complete fantasy that this is even possible. This surgery has been one of the most difficult challenges in my life, yet I agree that it's life-changing and entirely worth all the suffering and effort.

First of all, yes, I think some people find it controversial to use the term "genocide" to refer to what's happening to trans people. Part of the debate about the term "genocide" is whether it can apply to non-ethnic groups, for example. I would argue the spirit of the term does apply to any group, but some people disagree. I'm not sure why it's so important for the term to be limited to ethnicity, I tend to think these arguments are not in the spirit of validating or recognizing very real oppression and violence intended to completely eliminate a certain group.

The motivation to use the term "genocide" is that the anti-trans movement has explicitly stated as their goal the total erasure of trans people:

https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/cpac-speaker-transgender-people-eradicated-1234690924/

During his speech on Saturday, Knowles told the crowd, “For the good of society … transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely — the whole preposterous ideology, at every level.”

Knowles subsequently claimed that “eradicating” “transgenderism” is not a call for eradicating transgender people and demanded retractions from numerous publications, including Rolling Stone.

Erin Reed, a transgender rights activist and writer, tells Rolling Stone that it’s an absurd distinction. There is no difference between a ban on “transgenderism” and an attack on transgender people, she says: “They are one and the same, and there’s no separation between them.”

https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/matt-walsh-supreme-court-erase-trans-ideology-earth-1235192666/

“We are not gonna rest until every child is protected, until trans ideology is entirely erased from the earth. That’s what we’re fighting for, and we will not stop until we achieve it,” he said.

Specifically, the Lemkin Institute for Genocide Prevention has described the anti-trans movement as genocidal:

https://www.lemkininstitute.com/red-flag-alerts/red-flag-alert-for-the-anti-trans-agenda-of-the-trump-administration-in-the-united-states

The Lemkin Institute for Genocide Prevention and Human Security condemns the anti-trans agenda of the second Trump Administration and warns Americans that the recent spate of executive orders, which are in line with a genocidal process against the transgender community that has been emerging in the United States for over a decade, are meant to pave the way for greater state repression against all individuals and other groups in the future.

...

The Lemkin Institute believes that current anti-trans hysteria within the government is meant to serve three purposes within a wider genocidal process. First, the Executive Orders constitute the paper marginalization and ‘paper persecution’ of an identity group that has recently gained rights and greater acceptance in order to lock in evangelical support for the Trump administration. Second, the executive orders create a fictitious ‘cosmic enemy’ that will justify radicalization of government in general, leading to ever-more power for the executive branch; and third, the executive orders, over time, aim to normalize the destruction of identity groups by desensitizing the public to state-sponsored persecution of people based solely on their identities.

Taken together, the Trump Administration’s executive orders related to trans people would effectively destroy, if fully implemented, trans people as a group, in whole, to summarize the text of the Genocide Convention. The orders begin the process of removing a trans presence from collective life and preventing trans people from existing as themselves, forcing them back into invisibility and isolation. This attack on trans identity is reminiscent in the US context of the Native American Boarding Schools, where the goal was to “kill the Indian … and save the man.” Not only would the effort to deprive trans Americans of gender affirming care constitute a form of torture (and medical malpractice) with terrible mental health repercussions, but also such measures are a common phase in genocidal processes and generally lead to ever greater persecution.

Trans people in Florida prisons are being forcefully detransitioned and forced into pseudo-science conversion "therapy", I don't think it's hyperbolic at this point in time to say the intentions of the anti-trans movement are genocidal, and I think the movement is largely succeeding in their goals.

So far necessary medical care has been denied to trans youth in many states, and the U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled that discrimination against people on the basis of "gender dysphoria" is legal. We already have data that the ban of gender affirming care (and in some cases, forcing physicians to detransition trans youth) has significantly increased the rate of suicide attempts among those trans youth.

We are also seeing tools used in previous genocides, such as "social death" where the concept of being trans is eliminated from the law and thus on a social and legal level trans people cannot "exist". Laws in some states have already achieved this (which results in trans people never being able to fix their birth certificates or update their legal documents, for example), and now the federal government is operating under executive orders that establish the same (making it impossible for trans people to have accurate passports or federal documents, for example - but the policies impact much more, including forcing male TSA agents to pat down trans women and vice versa).

So the methods and goals are all genocidal, the only problem is that trans people as a group are not a national or ethnic group, so this would fail a narrow definition of genocide that way.

I get that, but I tend to think the burden of proof in a criminal case is much higher than the burden of proof to believe a victim outside of a courtroom.

In this case I don't think there is any reason to doubt the victims, and the pressure and evidence points to victims tending to not come forward, the fact that there are multiple accusations from multiple victims indicates to me a much higher probability that Gaiman is guilty of some sexual crimes than not. Luckily my opinion or assessment of Gaiman's behavior doesn't have consequences like jail time, so my beliefs do not demand the same scrutiny as a judge's or a jury's.

Not that it's wrong to think about the evidence, but culturally I think we tend to discount survivors and victims more than we validate them, and that can make questions about evidence really difficult, even harmful. Still, we obviously can't ignore the problem of evidence, but luckily that's primarily a concern for the courts (not that being cancelled doesn't have consequences, and "cancel culture" can be reactive, essentializing, and unfair - that's probably something we should collectively think about more).

here are the things I've read:

overview: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Gaiman#Sexual_assault_and_misconduct_allegations

some reporting: https://www.vulture.com/article/neil-gaiman-allegations-controversy-amanda-palmer-sandman-madoc.html

note: content warning, NSFL

yeah, I agree with you - the harm is severe, it's just with such a small population we can't show the concrete harm the way we can with a trans population where deaths are already happening (but that doesn't diminish the actual harm to Gaiman's victims, which I would say is extreme).

aw, thank you! I'm a big fan of dandelions and other flowers.

Alan Moore agrees:

https://www.indiewire.com/features/general/watchmen-creator-alan-moore-hates-superhero-movies-1234591751/

“I haven’t seen a superhero movie since the first Tim Burton ‘Batman’ film. They have blighted cinema, and also blighted culture to a degree,” Moore said. “Several years ago I said I thought it was a really worrying sign, that hundreds of thousands of adults were queuing up to see characters that were created 50 years ago to entertain 12-year-old boys. That seemed to speak to some kind of longing to escape from the complexities of the modern world, and go back to a nostalgic, remembered childhood. That seemed dangerous, it was infantilizing the population.”

they might try to rationalize their discrimination, and they might attempt to make it logical for application in law and other contexts - it's important to show the irrationality, not because I expect the bigotry and discrimination to be rational, but because so many others might think it is rationally defensible and not see the contradictions. Not that hypocrisy dunking is always effective, but it's at least worth pointing out.

“They confirmed that I need to wear a female swimming costume despite having to compete with the men, which ‘outs’ me as a woman who is transgender,” Coombes told the Reading Chronicle. “I explained to the person on the phone that they are not allowed to do that, and he didn’t have an answer.”

so she's a woman enough to be required to wear a women's swimsuit, but not woman enough to be allowed to swim in the women's competitions?

yeah, that would put me in full cope mode too, lol