drbollocks

i know it’s not just “teenage hormones” (18f). i cannot yet be given a diagnosis on anything though i will be talking to a psychiatrist. this is really fucked up, i hate this so much.

i’ll be full of energy, all these ideas and motivation. i’ll talk really fast and have no need for sleep.

then, i’ll get depressed. i was doing GREAT all week and today, but now i’m about to cry simply because my friend only spends time with her friend group and never me. i was mad at that and suddenly ready to block everyone but i feel guilty and im mad at myself for being this way.

i know she can hang out with her trio, i know we’re still friends. i normally wouldn’t be mad but i truly think i’m going insane.

the woman who hurt me for years always finds a way to blame me for things. things are never her fault, and she thinks i’m disgusting or inferior because of my disabilities.

she’s nice to everyone else regardless of their disability, but they either have adhd or autism + adhd so maybe autism + bipolar isn’t “one of the good diagnoses”.

she’s charismatic so everyone defends her. they either don’t know about her or dont care as long as she isn’t hurting them because they love her so much.

she flirts with all her friends and told me I was too “disgusting” to flirt with and that she “hates threesomes” and that we “weren’t close enough to be friends” even though she finds me “too inferior” to even try and be my friend.

she’s fixated on me to an extent it feels, going out of her way to piss me off, make me jealous/hurt, making rude “jokes” (which are more annoying than hurtful) but then acting like she does this with all her friends.

she tries to be friends with my friends in a weird way, such as being overly nice and touching their shoulder/head, and it has been reported several times that she is somewhat creepy towards children irl and especially online and will go out of her way to follow and “befriend” children under 13 on social media apps. she has also defended people who like children romantically and saying that their romance should be okay.

I keep trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and holding onto hope that she’s a good person who just suffered a lot and that she actually likes me, but I know she doesn’t and I get hurt every time I give her that benefit.

i’ll refrain from overposting but i’m a bit scared. kayla (20f) is my gf and (idk if she still is) but was a huge trump supporter. she was quite cruel to me because i first dated her as a trans man and she accused me of sexual harassment after we broke up.

we got back together and have been dating for quite some time (about 11 months) but we barely talk. she only plays video games and talks to her friends, so i barely chat with her, she rarely responds, and i don’t use Discord a lot where i chat with her.

i asked if this would work out and if she would prefer it if we were just friends, but im scared that she’ll accuse me of things again and make harassment/slander of me because i said that

my bf is poly and already has a bf, so he doesn’t want to initiate anything with me. he doesn’t wanna call nor hang out, and he always texts very dry. he’s nice, but i don’t feel loved.

I’m not doing well mentally though. my gf already ignores me (she and i are poly too) and i feel like i will die if he breaks up (though i clearly won’t die)

there’s some days where she’ll want to talk to me, follow my accounts, say things to me, and then call me an annoying b*tch.

she’s nice in public, i’m assuming so others don’t think she’s mean, but what i mainly don’t understand is why she talks to me since she hates me so much and did nothing but harm me.

re-publicado de: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/23181039

i’m so sick of this. i’m just gonna stop dating people who prefer men because people i love ditch me for them.

they’re usually bi but then like men more. obviously men are better partners than women to them because they leave me for some dude. i’m so sick of it.

i’ve never even dated someone who exclusively liked girls, so i’ve never been left for another girl but i’d obviously be liked better by ppl i love if i were a man. (some ppl would dump me for other women tho probably)

ditched, ignored, dumped. i’m so sick of this. i want someone who loves me and only me. someone who wont break up with me for some dude. someone who wont ignore me and talk to dudes behind my back like my gf. i love my partners equally, im so tired of not getting the same fucking treatment.

i am done.

i’m never dating anyone else who already has a partner, ik they prefer the existing partner over me regardless of if they are poly.

i don’t want to be friends anymore when i’ll just be ignored.

it was around 1am and i was trying to sleep, and suddenly i thought “what if i get back with my ex from sixth grade?” (i’m still friends with her)

i started to get a warm and fuzzy feeling, so i was like “ruh oh raggy… i can’t get another crush again…”

she’s straight now, and my tired brain decided it was one of those things where i’d understand if she said no and continue to be her friend but would be like “yeah, why not” if we dated 🤷‍♀️

i thought that even if i was an immature ass at 12, i could be better and we could try again now.

however, when i woke up, my feelings completely vanished and i had no desire to date her at all.

!conlang_ua@lemmy.blahaj.zone

i love the idea of creating conlangs. i’ve experimented with the idea of them in years past but have never done anything with them, let alone created one.

i did create some toki pona-based ones as they consist of few words (~100) but i want to create ones that aren’t just based off toki pona.

someone i long since cut contact with due to abusive behavior said they don’t care about other people’s rights or respect for them?

they said they don’t care if trump ruins the us (despite being american), that they don’t care about the discrimination and social disadvantages faced by minorities (they are black, bisexual too[?])

and they always say “i don’t know and i don’t care” when someone asks them something. they also talk about how bad it is to hate “illegals” (which i agree with) but says she doesn’t care ahout illegal hatred too??

some straight guy i was friends with was obsessed with me. he only cared if i liked men and had a bf for some reason, and would ignore that i liked women. he would act like i was straight and that if i dated women, that just meant i was single and obviously interested in him.

i just broke up with my bf who ghosted me bc he realized he's gay (im a woman). i don't even think i like guys but i have this compulsion to ask out my friend who i blocked to have a man that treats me right instead of the other guy that ghosted me, and also to make him happy.

he kept talking about how he could treat me better than anyone else, that i should've ditched my bf for him (obv i said no), and badmouthed not only his gf of a few years since age 16 but also his first time. he left her bc she showed signs of schizophrenia and she blocked all his socials after he left.

he kept guilttripping me when i said i didn't want to be his gf so ik he doesn't care about consent regardless of what he says. he also completely ignored me liking women and acted like i was straight but i feel lonely.

i kinda wanna make him happy and have a bf who pays attention to me but ik i'm probably just saying this out of sadness. we were friends but i had to block.