There's no checkmate here. It's already all figured out by the millions of bidet users over the last hundred years. My wife uses toilet paper, I prefer a small basket of washrags to blot the water away. The rag gets slightly damp and there is no visible poo (having been washed away already), but I'm not going to use it on my face after so if there are micro-particles I don't care.
I'm a convert as of 7ish years ago. First one bathroom, then all bathrooms and the whole family vastly prefers over TP and even our previous favorite, baby wipes. Plus no waste, it's really wins all around. Especially on the butthole.
I went to paper high school, then baby wipes college. Let me know when you get your PhD from bidet university, then we'll talk.