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Anon tries being social (europe.pub)
submitted 3 days ago by [M] to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 7 points 3 days ago* (5 children)

That's all dependent on where you live. Maybe where you live that's socially acceptable?

Where I live that's not socially acceptable. It's considered rude and offensive to approach strangers in public spaces unless you have a prior social connection. Even the dog park is like that here.

The only place where it would be acceptable is at these socialization events, and those are often highly structured, like those events where you have to ask people questions on index cards in a weird attempt to force intimacy. 'skip the small talk' type of shit.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    I fear for my kiddos because of this.

    It's now feeling offensive to approach people in public for any reason. As a full grown adult who is married, I feel awkward approaching someone at like a library reading a book I've read - they don't want the interruption, they aren't here to meet people; I get that. I'm just wanting to share my experiences and maybe make a friend.

    Trying to find a partner is way harder.

    I go out of my way to be gregarious in public spaces because I don't want the normal to be people trapped in their bubbles and never interacting with the rest of the world. I've found that people sometimes light up when they are talked to, and that keeps me doing it.

    I'm an introvert and it's hard. You can do it too! Make small talk.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago

    No. I'm much happier not having to deal with other people's misery and pettiness. I used to be more social but I gave up because I was sick of having to listen to other people's relentless negativity about their lives, or towards other people's lives. I don't want to hear people complain about their partners, their kids, their family/friends or their job, and how if only they were rich and single life would be perfect.

    Further, where I live people basically just want to talk about how Trump Is Evil and They Are So Poor. Despite the objective reality they personally not impacted by Trump in any way and are among the richest people in the country. I'm not interested in indulging their bizarre delusions. And if you disagree on either of these ideas, you are Evil to them. I specifically quit a lot of things I used to do because this is all anyone wanted to talk anymore. And yeah they do light up when you let them run their mouths about their victimhood. Just like the majority of people on lemmy threats endlessly commenting about how oppressed they are despite their real situation being one of liberty and free choice in which they actively choose to cos-play as victims because it means nothing is their fault and lets dwell in their misery rather than take any personal accountability for themselves and their lives.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 days ago (2 children)

    I live in the United States. This is true of urban dog parks I've lived near in the East Coast, the West Coast, Texas, and the Midwest. I didn't have a dog when I lived in rural or small town America, so I don't have direct experience with that, but my impression of stranger openness in rural areas wasn't that different.

    For communal spaces, striking up conversations with people near you is also pretty natural. Sitting next to someone at a bar or counter, especially in hotels and airports, is an easy way to talk to someone to pass a little bit of time, and then just disappear back into anonymity whenever you feel like it. The training wheels version is talking to your bartender, and then leaving to talking to other people who are talking to the bartender.

    At this point I also have kids, so anywhere there are other parents is also an easy way to talk to strangers. Parks and playgrounds. School and extracurriculars and summer camps and stuff like that have plenty of opportunities to run into semi regular faces that become familiar.

    I also know several of my neighbors' names (and basically all of their dogs' names). When I lived in apartment buildings I tended to get to know a few other people who lived in the building, who I'd regularly see in the elevators or lobby or mail room or common areas/amenities.

    Probably the most important skill is being able to say something as part of a fleeting moment. Even using the description of "approaching strangers" sounds far more intentional than what I'm talking about, rather than just saying something to someone who is already physically close enough to hear.

    And no, nowhere I've lived or regularly worked in the US (around 10 cities and 7 states) would it be considered rude to say to a stranger "ooh, I like your shirt." People like to be complimented, especially on their choices. Same with "can I say hi to your dog?" or "hey where did you buy that coffee, is it anywhere near here?" It's easiest when not every interaction is expected to escalate, and fostering a particular openness is how extroverts meet others, and occasionally step up to the next level (turning a one-off question to a stop-and-chat, having a good enough small talk that you exchange contact information, grabbing a meal or drink together, doing another activity together, etc.). I get that it's harder for people who don't already do all these things to start, but I'm asking people to look for small ways to start, if that's what they actually want in life.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 child)

    Cool. I live in Boston and anytime I try to be polite to people casually they almost always get angry, even when I'm doing them a favor like picking up something they dropped on the street.

    You call it skills, I call it culture change, because I never had this issue 10 years ago. Folks were way more open minded and friendly a decade ago than they are today. Now I say hi to the person at the bar other than the bartender they glare and just stare harder into their phone. Only person that will chat you up at a bar is the bartender usually.

    Dog park by me is a lot of old folks who just want to talk about how young people are awful. Never met anyone under 60 at the dog parks I've been too. And most dog owners I meet on the street are completely unfriendly unless they are also gray-haired. Though sometimes they will ask me what breed my dog is and I will say 'mixed' and they will scowl... because most folks here have purebred designer dogs.

    Typically I only ever see strangers interacting when I'm traveling and that's the only time they positively interact with me. Like I I get out of town for the weekend and go out to Vermont, folks are a lot friendlier and less hostile. And the local subreddit for this city used to have a post every day about 'why are people so mean and unfriendly here'. so I'm not alone in that experience.

    And my neighbors never talk to me unless they want to bitch at me for a friend/family for 'parking in THEIR spot' or trying to get me to support whatever NIMBY petition they are trying to pass, and if you said you don't support restricting housing development and lower taxes they get extremely angry and rant about how 'people like you are ruining this city'. I also ride a bike and they all drive cars, which often results in weird passive aggressive comments about 'when are you going to grow up'. So, why would I want to interact with those miserable judgemental folks and their weird entitlement issues?

    I used to volunteer a lot and I quit because even in those spaces people were increasing anti-social and downright hostile when you tried to make conversation with them and it's fucking miserable trying to help someone and ask them where they live as a polite small talk and they scowl at you or ask you if you are trying to stalk them rather than being like 'oh i live in x, what you?'

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  • [–] 2 points 2 days ago*

    What the fuck, I like to think that I lived in places where people hate to talk (northern Europe), and at most people would ignore you.

    Being vocally angry at you for nothing is not them being antisocial, that is them being angry and aggressive without an outlet. Or them being miserable people with nothing but petty drama in their life.

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