this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2025
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So glad to hear it! And yes, oh God, how deep that rabbit hole goes! What are some crazy/interesting places you have ended up?
I've never really had many techy friends/family members so that's where a large amount of my own research/rabbit holes usually go lol.
Like a few months ago I did a whole home server/homelab setup with proxmox several LXCs etc just from a desire to learn. I found Linux way back at age 12 but didn't really dig too far beyond being able to sit in the corner of our empty house so I could reach my neighbors shared wifi and watch anime/Yt (laptop literally did not function on windows XP when it was gifted to my dad for comparison lol)
Powerautomate for work has been a great time sink and a ton to learn there still and I'm learning how to do sysadmin and web coding things as well.
For like rando interesting facts, it's hard because without a trigger I can't usually just come up with a fact even though I might have gone down a 20+tab Wikipedia rabbit hole in a subject haha
Man, all that sounded like a different language to me, but I am also a tech-imbercile 😅 sounds pretty impressive, though that you built your own server. To me that basically sounds like magic when people tell me how they build tech related things. It is so cool.
I completely get what you mean with needing a trigger for researching! I'm like that too. I just cannot get into anything if there isn't some sort of purpose to it. Currently, my worldbuilding project is in hibernation so I went from basically going to self-learning school every moment of the day for three years to a potato. It's a bit annoying that you can't just deliberately trigger a thirst for knowledge or have a normal, steady stream of knowledge gathering. It's either full fucking throttle or it is dead in the water. At least it's like that for me.
I'm guessing you're likely also somewhere on the ADHD/Autism spectrum like me.
I'm not diagnosed, but my spouse is convinced I have ADHD. He doesn't believe I have autism, but who knows. Based on some things I have read I do think I kinda display some symptoms from both but I would need to see a professional to have any of this confirmed. And as it stands I just can't. My first attempt at getting a referral ended with being told by the GP that I couldn't have ADHD because I have a degree, a job and a partner. Which I thought was very insulting to people with ADHD, but whatever. The second attempt ended with me getting a referral and the GP telling me to go find a psychiatrist myself because he believed I'd be very capable of that. Turns out I'm very much not, lol.
So eh. Now I'm just living my life like I always have. I do what I can to hold on to routines and structure and the only thing that has changed is that I beat myself up a bit less than I used to when I fuck things up.
Have you gotten an official diagnosis? And if so, how was the process for you? 🤗
Lol I keep thinking I need to reply at times I can't take the time.
Regardless!
I had always assumed I was like a lower tier ADHD, then looked more into lower tier autism and I came to the conclusion I've probably got some mix of both.
It's hard to get diagnosed as an adult because they think you're just trying to get meds from my experience, and similarly to your story I went to a Psychiatrist who essentially told me the same, I didn't go to college but I excel at my job so 🤷♂️ I didn't go back and it's now been like 8 years.
I probably should try again, both of my younger siblings were diagnosed at a young age with ADHD but I was the oldest and they didn't really believe in ADHD until the other two lol and by that point I was already a teen.
Say no more, my friend. I'm the same xD I have some messages I need to reply to that I just can't and sometimes it takes days to answer, other times months (embarrassing) and yet other times I can reply immediately. So I completely get it haha.
Aw man, I'm sorry to hear that! It really is a hit or miss when it comes to people's experiences getting diagnosed. I have also met people where it was relatively easy for them to get through the eye of the needle and I'm low key envious of them haha.
There probably is something to it if both your sibs have it as well! And yeah, when I was a kid, ADHD basically didn't exist and was called something else (DAMP) and it was only a diagnosis given to very disruptive boys. I think the first time I head about ADHD was when I wad like 19 or 20 and back then the understanding of it was that it's what happens when rowdy boys get too much sugar so they need medicine to make them quiet.
I didn't really know about how ADHD typically presents in women and girls until a year and a half ago when my spouse told me that he thinks I have it, so yeah.
In that sense I really feel you with having been too old to be caught early and taken seriously and such.
I hope that, if you seek a diagnosis again, you will have better luck with the professionals assessing you. I have heard that there are good and kind people out there who want to help, so if one has the energy, time and money to look for a good egg, then it is probably worth it for peace of mind!
Have also heard about the whole meds thing that that is why they don't want to diagnose adults. The few times I have talked with people about it irl they also immediately bring up the meds as if that is my motivation, but it really isn't. Don't get me wrong, if it turned out that there was a pill that could help me with some of my issues, I would most likely want to take it, but for me, the main motivation was always to have proof that I'm not just making things up. That I'm not crazy or making excuses. Its always been an issue of mine that I feel like I have to justify my feelings and experiences and I automatically assume no one ever believes me, so having paper proof that it is real is something I really wanted.
And people always go "then what next?" And I'm always like: then I'll go back to my life? What else?
People always thinks it's the meds, but for me at least it's the peace of mind.
Haha if it gets past a week or two I consider it a lost cause and would be weird to reply that late, doesn't stop it from popping into my head from time to time though.
I too have a few friends where it was a super painless experience and the almost jealousy is real!
On the history, yeah exactly, ironically I thought back to when I was real young and in 2nd grade they had me in a "special class" so I wouldn't disrupt the other students, probably should have been a sign but eh. Once I became more self aware I worked to keep myself from expressing my inner thoughts as frequently, which kinda sucks but it's also fair lol.
I didn't know it presented differently in men and women honestly, I should do more research on that!
At this point unless it benefited my life in some way to have an official diagnosis (like meds) I don't really see why I would go through all the effort and money to seek professional help. It doesn't help that I picked up thc as a self medication tool and most docs would then just assume the issues are due to that. Can't really explain to them in a state where that's illegal lol.
I have taken several different types of meds for adhd (from my siblings prescriptions) and it truly is transformational on my ability to focus and keep that focus for a long period of time, even if I get off-track it's much easier to get back in that prior state of mind. I don't love the idea of having to take a pill every day, but I also feel like I'm not living up to my actual potential as I am now.
I do see the point of having proof though, not just "too lazy" or "forgetful" a legit medical condition. Even then though, so many people have no understanding of what it's like and the implications it has on so many minute things in life.
I hadn't heard of DAMP but seems like it was more a thing in Sweden and Denmark then in the USA.