0
I offended my white American friends (lemmy.ca)
submitted 6 months ago by to c/antifasc@lemmy.ca
4 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Im a (Canadian) indigenous, disabled, neurodivergent woman and I have an online friend group but they are white Americans, we get along most of the time except when something political comes up they usually stiffle me by declaring that they avoid politics but when topics come up in conversation they will say things like "women need to bring the birth rate back up abortion should be banned." or "black people complain too much." or "Christianity is the only way a person can be moral." etc. They don't believe they have privilege as cis-het white people, and whenever I try to educated them as delicately as I can they either yell over me or they leave the voice chat and complain about me to others. I am kind of a pariah as one of two poc in the group but the other poc is the "Well behaved Native." and I'm the "Problem Native".

Yesterday we were voice chatting and the topic came up once again they proudly declared they avoid politics because it's "too depressing" I said very plainly and politely that disengagement is exactly what fascism wants, to overwhelm everyone into disengaging and turning a blind eye to the atrocities and I agreed with them that protests aren't for everyone and social media engagement isn't necessary but I said the very bare minimum is voting when there is a vote and signing petitions when there are any can make a difference if more people did it... and they got very very upset they left the chat and I will have to hear about it today from the leader of the group who loves to tell me off whenever he gets a chance.

it's not just them though, it's everyone I've ever known they all either judge me harshly for being political or they jump down my throat because a poc is trying to educate them on why bigotry is bad. Even other indigenous people judge me for being political, my Native family members say that speaking out against injustice is to be as evil as the one committing the injustice so they have ostracized me, and the other half of my family have never wanted anything to do with my existence because I'm an "unbaptized heathen savage." (and that's the least disturbing thing my white relatives have said about me). I don't have parents or siblings...

In this age of identity politics and avoidance I'm almost convinced that I'm an alien its gotten to the point where I'm starting to become increasingly anti-social and my agoraphobia has gotten so much worse. I'm exhausted and sick of being constantly told that I'm a bad person because I think fascism is bad or that I'm disrupting the peace whenever someone says something ignorant/bigoted I'm supposed to "keep quiet or face the consequences." which is usually humiliation, insults, ridicule, and ostracization.

TLDR; I'm lonely but I can't seem to fit in anywhere because of how different I am so where can I find like minded people who aren't toxic, bigoted or aggressively apolitical?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 0 points 6 months ago

To your immediate question -- I'm guessing there's some activity that's holding you together with these online friends? Difficult to say where to find more tolerable folks without knowing a bit more about how you've met these people so far. My assumption would be that it's a gaming community of some sort, though that's not always the case these days -- if it is though, maybe look for games with less toxic bases. Another thought is that if it is tied to games, many people go there for escapism (even if the idle chatter sometimes veers off-course) -- like my weekly gaming night has a general rule of no politics discussions, cause the doom-feeds are depressing enough. Depending on how often you meet with them, I'd possibly suggest working on filtering your comms a smidge -- you don't necessarily need to share every thought/opinion with friends, especially if the friendship is based more on something frivolous in nature. Again, RL friends may be better for that sort of more fulsome rel.

In terms of them getting offended, I think it's natural that people translate negative discussions about their race from 'others' as being personal attacks, even if there are attempts to phrase things 'politely' (which rarely work, and come off preachy/condescending in most cases). For example, commenting on the history of colonial Canada / the Church's treatment of FN to a newly immigrated white person, often comes off as essentially accusing that person of having a had a hand in the abuses -- FN seem to use 'colonial' as a slur about 'any' white person, even though many/most of them showed up far later than what'd gone on, and their families/histories have nothing to do with it. I guess it'd be somewhat similar, for comparison, to commenting that when white people showed up, FN on the West Coast were well known slavers, or that they didn't really have a form of written language, and how that could be construed as impolite/offensive to someone with that heritage if you constantly brought it up to them. Or if you translated things like DEI practices into authoritarian-imposed state charity for personal disabilities/failures -- "You get preferential hiring treatment/benefits, because FN are statistically poorer, less educated, less productive than other races on aggregate". Even if somewhat accurate, it'd be hard to encounter that sort of comment regularly, and not take it personally if you were a part of that demo. I imagine that's one reason Canada's spent so much effort trying to frame our DEI stuff in a more positive light, shifting almost all accountability off of individuals and on to 'systemic' stuff, heh.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
    •