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Anyone just depresed af right now? How's life going? (piefed.ca)

submitted 5 days ago by WongKaKui@piefed.ca to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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01:15 (AM that is, but using 24 hour time format doesn't need AM/PM) here... zero sleep, listening to a bunch of depression music... :/

Living with family (family of origin, that is) but half of my family members are away... especialy mom...

You only learn to appreciate someone¹ once they're gone... this time for 30 days... one day its gonna be forever... 🥺 (¹mom that is, Idk how to feel about older brother, still haven't fixed the broken relationship since those series of fights about 7-9 years ago... )

Mom's so busy with my brother's marriage plans, haven't have much time to talk to me. Idk what to even say on the phone... I just wanna hear her voice... I kinda have a panic attach if i don't hear her voice or if she takes too long to respond...

I'm just feeling very suicidal rn

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[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 5 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I had a cassette of a voicemail my mom left for my grandma and I taped over it. I had backed it up to a .wav file but I lost it. I can still hear it in my mind. I'm sad about it. I suppose I could ask to record my mom's voice but that would be weird.

Edit: No, it was for my grandpa. She said "have mommy call me". I think she was in college at the time. I miss my grandparents. Things seemed so much easier back then. Young me thought i'd have a happy life by now. I know it's not too late but it's getting there and I've been stuck in a rut for years now. It's hard to climb out of the hole i've dug.