Ask Lemmy

My dad died on May 3rd.

My wife and I were at my parents' house visiting the day before because our (me & my dad) birthdays were coming up. Mine was the 4th, his was the 5th. He would have been 88.

The joke has always been that I was my dad's birthday present. Now my birthday is sandwiched between the day he was born and the day he died.

I've got 5 days of bereavement leave from work, so I've been helping my mom. My brother and I took her to the funeral home on the 4th, and my sister and I took her to arrange for food for after the funeral on the 5th.

Their dog is getting seriously upset, so we're going to take her to the funeral home on Friday to see him. I'm hoping that will be enough for her to understand.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I also wouldn't say I've come to terms with it. When I have time to stop and just think, I can't organize my thoughts. I can't get to sleep at night.

Many years ago, when my maternal grandfather died, my mom told me that no matter how old you are, when your parent dies, you feel like an orphan. I think I understand that now. I'm 56, but I feel untethered.

I would miss you if you were gone.

You mean like the breakdown I had yesterday and I thought that it's time to end it once and for all because of how miserable and worthless I am? Nah, not been there, not done that. /j

Somehow I'm still here, on the bus, on my way to work.

After I finish the few hours of work that my doctor allows me to do, I guess I'm looking forward to sitting down at the local library to do some hobby programming. I'm also looking forward to see some of my colleagues. Not all of them.

If you would have to say at least one thing that you could look forward to today/tomorrow, what would it be?

I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for around twenty years, and what helps me out a lot is observing nature: Be outside, watch birds and other animals, how they live. This is always comforting, the life continues and our problems are transient. With that, I try being a bit more like a bird: enjoy others' company, take some sun, cackle a bit now and then.

Anyhow whatever way you find, realize that you are loved and cherished, you are important and we need you here. If you feel it's too much to handle, please call 988 or if you are abroad https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.

If you live near a church, a mosque, or a site of prayer, I'm certain they will be willing to lend an ear with no compromise.

Whatever is going on, there is so much to see, taste and experience that eventually it will be worth it, please keep at it.

Why don't you also help with your brother marriage organization, so you get to spend time with her ? :)

Also, please. Take care of you!!!

For my part I have no motivation for my new work.. I find it very boring and wait for the end of the day all day. Could be better could be worst I guess.

just had a brush with ideation because I feel like a shit mom, always fun. Was reading articles on his disorder just now cuz he got in trouble again.

it breaks my heart.

tomorrow is another day, and life is a forever transition.

oh and also agree with the other commentors, youre a part of our comminity, you cannot leave us!

I'm cosplaying an oscilloscope so I think my answer is irrelevant lol

It's been a rough few years for me. Loneliness, OCD, tinnitus, depression, and anxiety disorders have really taken it's toll. I'm trapped in the middle of nowhere with no public transportation and I can't drive a car to go socialize or meet people. I'm very irritable around my family and I try to avoid them most of the time. My mom takes me to work and back which I really appreciate. I hate my job. I hate working with the public. I don't know what else to do. This is all I've ever known. For what it's worth, many of us feel as you do. Here is my favorite song to listen to when i'm sad, if you're interested. Hang in there.

I wake up, get dressed, go to work, come back home and stare at the ceiling in my bed, then I have dinner and go to sleep. Repeat.

My dad has Alzheimer's and it constantly going downhill. It's sad as shit. My relationship is deteriorating for different reasons and I'm feeling very isolated.

I'm sorry you're suffering, please reach out to someone if you're feeling like this.

Stay strong!

Close. I keep doing physical activity and going for walks or kayaking after the "I'm sick of this" days, which shoots me back up to positivity again and I feel stupid for neglecting myself.

Then I neglect myself again, lol...

Get lazy, focus on easily avoidable bad things, don't pursue good things enough, spend too much time on my ass triggering dopamine instead of the endorphins and serotonin my mind is actually desperately craving. Then the bad sleep habits start, it snowballs. A few weeks later I'm wondering how I got here again like it's some sort of surprise.

Mom's so busy with my brother's marriage plans, haven't have much time to talk to me. Idk what to even say on the phone... I just wanna hear her voice... I kinda have a panic attach if i don't hear her voice or if she takes too long to respond...

The people I love, I've started saving their voicemails offline, so I can remember their voices. Maybe you can do the same?

I think I'm on the verge of having to find a new job, when I really like where Im at now, but can't keep up a sustainable income from what I'm given anymore.

$4500 in debt too. Im feeling increasingly isolated again, and dont even have a vague confidant i can go to for a personal chat.

I thought getting a cat would stave off the anxiety, but I think its just introduced more, and doubled down on proving how financially irresponsible I am.

Im starting to feel like there's no way up anymore. So all I do is use the internet as my Dorian Gray painting to pour all the bad mojo aandmisery onto. I dont even find satisfaction or joy in writing fanfic anymore.

So yeah, misery vibes all around as the world slowly collapses on itself, and I feel like I'm on the prevailing winds of that.