I’m not sure the word ambivalent is an accurate word to describe someone would be “significantly happier making an early transition”.

Oops also meant to respond to this bit.

I would have been happier transitioning earlier for practical social and romantic purposes, not dysphoria/identity reasons. Those reasons no longer apply nearly as well. If I transitioned now, things would become socially and romantically worse for me.

I don't normally have access to this account outside work hours and I took Monday off. So late reply.

That’s really not too old

Its all relative, but generally and scientifically speaking, at 42 the human body seems to undergo a statistically significant acceleration in aging at the cellular level, regardless of how healthy of a lifestyle you've otherwise lived.

Other than maybe my drinking (which I started late in life anyway) and sporadic exercise, I've lived a fairly healthy lifestyle most of my life with a solid skin routine and minimal sun exposure. I look like I'm in my later 20's. I will go from that to looking like I'm in my 40's very quickly.

I have basically 4 years. And the real problem? I'm very picky, and that simply will never change. I'm just going to have less fun as I age unless I get very lucky. I'd have even less fun if I transitioned.

Not speaking for OP here, but it did make me think about my own experience. For so long, I had the thought of “well, I’d transition if I could, but I’d be such an ugly woman, so what would the point be anyway?”.

It’s super fucked up, but I even felt bad for my younger sister because I was like “oh, darn, she is doomed to be ugly when she grows up, because we have the same parents and look alike.” (Never fear, she’s absolutely adorable!) Even after I accepted I was nonbinary at 26 I was like “well, I’m too old to transition now, so I’ll never take hormones or tell anyone, so it’s no big deal, I’ll just keep it to myself.” And I told myself that I was ambivalent about my gender either way (spoiler: I was not actually ambivalent lol)

It’s amazing the backflips my brain did to try to avoid accepting that I’m a trans woman. Anyway, I’m 30 now and on HRT for 7 months, and I’ve never felt better about myself! Never going back 🥰