To be honest. I don't know about love the way it used to be for me anymore. I used to love my ex. We have been together for almost 9 years and I ended up feeling trapped. Being the image of the person she loved.

After transitioning she blamed the hormones for the "changes". I mean the hormones were not the problem. The problem is that she loved a version of myself that was damaging to me. She loved the person who provided who was there for her, the person who would give her all for her. The person she could rely on because she was broken. I had to be stable for her. The person who was also "a man" one of the "good kind". She made me tolerate my body pre-transition through her love of it but that was a double edged sword.

After my divorce. I don't know I thought that monogamy was not the thing for me anymore. I always had this thing where I want people to be happy and today I try not to put myself aside with it. I don't care if the person I love end up leaving me. I just want them to be happy. And I've put words on me being polyA and wanting more anarchy in my relationships.

I understand that it does not help for you what I just said. But I've been the dumper in a relationship where I've felt like you and it really really didn't feel good to hurt her. And I know how damaging this can be.

Hope you find someone you can be yourself with and build something.