Continuously Twisting hair by myself. I Feel uncomfortable doing so in public, however it seems authentic to me (I've done this for years). And yes, I might (consciously/subconsciously/unconsciously, or somewhere on a consciousness spectrum) feel and or predict uncomfortableness within a circumstance, and circumstantial existences (people), might conclude (to a 'degree/spectrum/binary' of possible justness/validity, that:) I twist hair because I feel and or think something about them (also possible as binary and/or spectrum, whatever is/was/will be true per moment)

To clarify: yes I do think sometimes and sometimes I think not, previous moments I describe in this post, I twisted (my) hair to twist (my) hair (period), (and yes biologically that soothed me).

I noticed sometimes people reacted with body language I deemed as: unease, annoyed, confused; and thoughts of 'flirting?' and/or feelings combined with 'suspicion: I (might) have a/some 'ulterior motive' (I deem myself accurate ,at that time, at perceiving thoughts and emotions through body language and pattern recognition, including patterns recognized in specific (types of) people and their habits). I associated their actions with those people sort of internally figuring out how to react to me looking athletically muscular (did a 3x per week hypertrophy focused bodybuilding split at the time for a year whilst playing football(EU)/soccer(US) 3x a week lived actively, studied applied psychology at the time) and (self-described) moved in culturally associated 'feminine' and certainly in ways I adapted from having special interests for special people (many of those I found through the internet, as examples: XXXTENTACION, juice WRLD, Dominic fike ) (I embraced that with 'bro's' — really my bros at the time, I loved them & gave them what I had as of joy and fulfillment — who were willing to do so), whilst (at the time) 'outperforming the 'football social circle' physically and skillwise (at the time) which I sense(d) brought along a social dynamic that had much unease as the club I played at is a religious, (somewhat competitive, mostly at the youth teams) football club.

At the time I thrived, as I barely compared (myself) to anyone (I focused on doing what I loved, and what evolved myself) and lived as fulfillingly as I could in every moment. I wished (and now wish) the direction of the life I lived previously, for everyone (including myself).

Added note: also I did attend parties and social gatherings with people I loved (varying social circles, I kinda felt what the vibe was as of staying at home sleeping/relaxing/learning, or what social circle to join at what time). To clarify, I did have long experiences with my 'closest' circle which had made it comfortable to be with, and from there I had gained many experiences adding to the pattern recognition, guided by interest in psychology, from those experiences I socialized with pretty much anyone I met and deemed had something special (to me or them or idk how to define it — I find all are special — hence why I effectively found 'special' in many people)

Unfortunately those times passed, I love creating a fulfilling & sustainable life here and now / now and here (just played with words yay)

I love you K : ))