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[–] 6 points 4 days ago* (9 children)

"wait... Jack Smith is... Cuban? He doesn't look particularly Cuban."

-MagaMorons

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  • [–] 5 points 4 days ago (7 children)

    Oh yes. Jack Smith is under deep, deep cover, working directly for the Cuban government in their diabolical plot to overthrow the United States. The Cubans have a doomsday army - billions strong - hiding underground, ready to conquer the entire country when they get the go ahead. The honorable Republicans must interrogate Jack Smith, a high ranking leader in the Cubans' secret society, and make him say where the hidden Cuban bases are. Otherwise, they shall conquer the entire United States, and then, the world!

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  • [–] 4 points 4 days ago (3 children)

    Okay, but an important detail: will we get free healthcare?

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  • [–] 4 points 4 days ago (2 children)

    Absolutely. They want you alive for as long as possible using healthcare tech that looks like sci fi, but they will use their mind control devices to make you completely loyal to them.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 days ago (1 child)

    one wonders why they'd invade when they can just let Trump do his thing.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 days ago

    Ah, but the Cuban Doomsday Army is using Trump is weaken the US for invasion. For you see, Obama and Biden used some truly insidious brainwashing technology on Trump. All the talk of "Biden made the prices go up" is actually what free will Trump has left, trying to fight back against the Cuban Doomsday Army by outing members of their High Command. The war with Iran started after the secret society met in Havana, and Jack Smith personally pressed the brainwashing tech button to make Trump launch the attack.

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