was this written by the cat?

blink twice if you need help

My girl cat insists it is tea time, but the boy cat has gone back to bed and doesn’t seem hungry at all. Curious.

Pro tip: Steps 1 and 2 can go in either order.

step 3: the cat has altered the deal. pray the cat doesn't alert it any further

Step 0: You don’t. You are Cat’s subject, all you ever were belonged to Cat when you were no more than a gleam in your parents’ eyes. “Negotiation” is devoid of meaning to you. You are perfectly happy.

Ah yes, The Art of the Deal.