this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2026
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Talking to my mother (lemmygrad.ml)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by TabularTuxedo@lemmygrad.ml to c/comradeship@lemmygrad.ml
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CW: religious trauma etc.

I still think about whether I should tell the truth to my mother. Like "I don't believe our religion is the truth." (religion is a cult)

She does seem like she knows I don't believe anymore. She asks that sometimes but I always deflect. It's obvious tbh. She doesn't seem the type of mother to kick me out of the house due to change of beliefs but she would tell other people. I love her a lot but she could do that.

It would be a clean break if she did. People in this cult would stop talking to me. Some have already cut me off due to how "weak" and "unresponsive to God" I look. Even some that I've known for years. Never had a true friend, I suppose.

I'm not really asking for advice on whether I should tell the truth to her or not. You don't know my mother nor me so whatever happens is my decision. I could always just bid my time and fade slowly. However long that is and however many lies I have to tell. Lying hurts.

Really, it's just venting about how funny it is that other revolutionaries did so many things under the threat of death and I'm here afraid of talking to my mother.

I remember when I finally woke up a year ago and I wrote in my diary "Today God died in my heart". Well, I think his corpse is still there. A false idol that was there since my birth.

Well anyways, thanks for reading. I'm still gonna have my life. I hope so.

(Also, I am aware that not all religions are like this. I'm an atheist not a reddit atheist)

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[–] Commiejones@lemmygrad.ml 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I was raised as an evangelical christian. Its not an easy process to disentangle yourself. Personally I found it was better to just avoid talking about it rather than make people choose between their dogma and their relationship with you.

[–] TabularTuxedo@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 1 week ago

Honestly, that's good advice. Thanks.

[–] Maeve@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

In my honest opinion, my lack of/ a religious belief is none of anyone else's business, unless I choose to tell them. I don't know your age or any other circumstances, so I can't speak to your situation, as you said.

You could possibly explore what, if any, values you retain, and simply say you're exploring your understanding of that particular version of faith, and whether it's a good fit, but be aware of the dangers and pitfalls. This isn't like yesteryear when people could sleep under the stars or in strangers' barns in exchange for work and meals, freely cross borders, change names and occupations.

Also, some people's understanding of a supreme being is just the best version of themselves they can be, so you can do with that what you will.

[–] TabularTuxedo@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, agreed. Thanks for the advice.

[–] Maeve@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 1 week ago

❤️

[–] pyromaiden@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I was active in a small online multi-denominational Christian group for a good while. For the most part we all got along but there always some beliefs I had that didn't mesh with others'. When I came out as trans there was passive acceptance, but I'm not sure how much of that was genuine tolerance or just trying to follow the website's rules. I suspect the latter though because several made firm their disagreements with queerness. The most "supportive" member was a guy who claimed to be on my side yet conveniently was always arguing against me when I tried to use theology to support my transitioning and never once came to my defense whenever the topic came up. Things got worse when I became a communist and started calling out the complicity of the Church in imperialism, slavery, etc. and got met with lots of toxic gaslighting and projection, with the aforementioned guy even going so far as to flat out accuse me of only being a communist out of "envy" and claiming I just wanted to kill people while refusing to listen to any of my explanations.

I eventually got fed up and left, realizing that these people were never my friends and never actually liked me or cared about me in any way. These interactions, among others with other Christians elsewhere, was ultimately what killed my faith. I couldn't believe that a loving God existed if these were the types of people that were his followers. Spent time as an agnostic before settling on Gnosticism and I feel much more at home with my beliefs now.

Long-winded way of saying I kinda get what you're going through. 💙

[–] TabularTuxedo@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Yeah it's pretty rough to be around people who "love" you until you open your mouth to tell what you feel.

I'm happy you found your home. Thanks for the answer.

(I hope this comment wasn't too dry. I sincerely appreciate your answer)

[–] Maeve@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 1 week ago

The Atom, made in The Image, was either intersex or androgynous, depending on which rabbi was arguing the point (androgyne won, for reasons, but some firmly maintain intersex). I'll add this includes the full range of human thought and emotion, right down to the Tanakah explicitly saying G-d created evil.

Christians weren't taught any of this, and also completely changed and deliberately misinterpreted the teachings of the merksvists (and we don't really know that one of those merkavists, elevated to deity probably after the fact, if one single such entity ever existed at all), to solidify the rule of a Roman emperor. While it's not their fault they don't know and weren't taught better, it is their fault they claim to be so into their faith and fail to do the most rudimentary research.

All this to say, if you ever encounter these sorts again, now you know, and can remind them Yeshua Ben Yoseph was a Jew, and Christians are supposed to follow his faith (although he was a heretic by Jewish standards, too, which is interesting, since their kabbalah teaches merkavism, which may have it's roots in ancient Egyptian religious traditions). And that he said he didn't come to accomplish the law, but fulfill it.

Sorry for the rant, it's just irksome, probably because it reminds me of me, before I stopped trying to fit in.

[–] burlemarx@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I grew up in a very religious Catholic family, and I used to participate a lot in church activities. In my early teenage years I even participated in the Catholic youth and had a lot of friends there. In my late teenage years I started moving away from the Catholic Church and adopting more like a atheist/agnostic stance. I stopped going to the church for a while, and spent many years without going to it. But to my family, I always remained Catholic, even though they know I am not very close to the church anymore and even refused to take part in some specific rites (like confirmation). Nowadays I'm kinda reconciled with the Catholic community (my wife is Catholic as well and my daughter studies in a Catholic school), but I don't have a theist view. But I'm not a militant atheist/agnostic, so it doesn't matter.

So, I'd say is, you don't have to disconnect with everyone, your family, your friends, all because of your views or your (lack of) faith. I would even say you should keep a bridge with all of them, even after you (ever) become financially independent (this is getting harder these days, though).

Keep in mind that Brazilian Catholics are way more progressive than evangelicals or most protestants in Brazil or the US. And I'm from the same home city where Dom Helder Câmara was a bishop, and Paulo Freire was born. So going to a mass or even participating in some church events never felt like torture. On the contrary. The thing that still keeps in the church (even though I don't consider myself a believer) is seeing some shining examples of the best human beings I've met in my life. Some even very based.

[–] TabularTuxedo@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Yeah, the thing is not that I want to disconnect (even though I really don't want to be part of any religion) but it's that my religion is an American religion.

So getting untethered by the formal way would mean that my friends and family would need to stop talking to me.

Like, I would stop being treated as a human being. No talking and no interaction beyond strictly necessary.

I added the text in the parenthesis in the post because I agree with you: some religious people that I know are truly amazing. But there's no tradition in my church, no donations to the poor etc.

It's just so empty. I liked Commiejones suggestion, so I don't think I'll dissociate by the formal way. It would be giving legitimacy to this religion.

[–] burlemarx@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I think I wrote a wall of text but I actually agree with Commiejones. I mean maintain all your relationships with your family and friends, but you don't need to explicitly say to all of them that you don't believe anymore. If your case is one where you still depend financially on your family, one more reason to not handle it in a explicit way if talking about it out loud could mean any kind of harm inflicted upon you.

The only reason you'd want to stay away from them is if feel under threat, like if you are in some kind of cult, that requires you to do something you disapprove or if you are under some forn of threat (like sexual abuse).

Like I said, even not agreeing with the Vatican, or even not believing in god in a literal sense, I still go to the church and act as part of the community because it does not feel like a burden to me. Today I'm not a part of any of the church social movements, and don't feel any pressure to go to the mass every weekend, but I still go every now and then and still take part in some events.

[–] salim@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

going through the same process but personally i never really felt the need to tell my parents, my mother cares about me keeping faith and is disappointed that i don't practice prayers and such and i know what type of reaction i'd get.

But honestly i never cared to let her know. Her or anyone else i know, i've already experienced being cut-off because of my weak faith in the past, but it filtered out the pious people i don't enjoy being around so the people around me already don't mind it but that's just me,

also all religions are like this, at least the abrahamic ones, i don't think that's what makes a reddit atheist (maybe)

[–] TabularTuxedo@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 1 week ago

I think I also won't tell. Hope you get to have your own life too comrade.