My parents told me they put our cat up for adoption (it was a feral cat that only liked me) after I left home for university. My brother later accidentally let it slip they had the cat put down. I’ve never really forgiven them for that.

We are the good guys.

When my dad didn't know better when I was a little kid, I told him how curious I was to try soy milk after seeing it in a kids' show

He told me to never drink it because then I'll start growing boobs

The only way to get somewhere in this life is to get a business college degree.

Burger flippers are worthless.

Trash collectors make terrible pay for dirty work conditions.

I love you.

If I accept this guy, who was born by immaculate conception - instigated by his Father [who ALSO KILLED HIM] by way of an Angel - instead of just creating him - as he did THE REST of EVERYTHING ...... His Father, the all knowing, all seeing who LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN will accept me into his kingdom. This guy, who made everything and is capable of everything and anything, who allows death and disease and war and suffering doesn't just make life easy for all of who he created. What bull.

• Men are filthy because they're obsessed with sex and boobs (women are insanely obsessed with sex and boobs)
• Men who think women are attractive or look at them are fundamentally pigs
• Men are obsessed wirh looks to the point that we are to blame for women's continuous internal competition over mating displays and the surrounding industries (most realistic women will confess in a moment of truth that it's primarily other women perpetrating the worst of the bullying)
• Men are abusive and women are victims. It is not possible for a woman to perpetrate abuse against a man or another woman. There has never been an instance of same-sex violence between women
• All women are naturally trustworthy and of upstanding moral character
• Men are by nature unfaithful (literally equal distribution of unfaithfulness among genders, it teeter-totters based on age groups with older women being particularly egregious)
• Your purpose as a man on this Earth is to make a woman happy and produce children
• The only profession that women should be are nurses or below, never doctors or scientists or engineers or anyone with credentials or career portability
• A woman's job is to make her man happy when he comes home from making the money
• if a woman is not servile and impeccable at all times, she is completely worthless
• Everything about women is good, but as a man, you should never embody any of the traits which are considered feminine and you must never be sensitive or you're a f....ot
• You are expected to have a giant penis, but if you do, shut the fuck up and tell no one. Also your penis is the worst evil on the planet
• Most men are violent rapists who are looking for any excuse to harm a woman or child if they can get away with it
• Every societal flaw is directly the result of the male gender, not the capitalists

Trade schools are for those who couldn't make it into college.

I would have absolutely gone into welding if I had been told the honest truth about what the trades can earn.

My parent’s friend told me that wind was caused by trees swaying and I looked pretty stupid when I proudly told my class this fact as a high school senior.

"I will love you no matter what"

That changed real fuckin fast when i came out as trans

My health class was taught by our gym teacher and she was terrible at it. Some points I remembered being taught:

• Hypertension is when the hamstrings of your legs shrink because you don't stretch every morning. Hypertension can kill you, so make sure you stretch.
• All drugs make you hallucinate. Every single one of them. Usually dragons. People die on drugs because they're trying to get away from the dragons and jump off buildings or run into traffic.
• Babies have super suction power which they use to breastfeed. An adult cannot get milk from a breast because they can't suck hard enough.

I learned these were wrong after starting secondary school where biology was taught by someone who studied biology. Except for the breastfeeding thing. That one was through personal research.

All I got is weird, but ultimately harmless ones.

• If you eat the bread ends, you'll eventually become able to whistle.
• If you sit too close to the TV, your eyes will turn square.
• If you swallow chewing gum, a chewing gum tree will grow in your belly.

I was little and going through that "ask an unending stream of questions to figure out how the world works / determine the limits of your parent's patience" phase. At one point during this my mother, who had up until this point used this as an opportunity to teach me how to research things and overall handled it with grace, began to hit her limit. And so one fine morning when I had perkily jammed myself underneath the toilet in a way that startled the living daylights out of her when she came in and I asked how toilets worked, she said in great exasperation "toilet gnomes, and you shouldn't be down there bothering them". This of course made perfect sense to me - someone had to crew the little boat, and humans would never fit in there.

I maintain to this day that it was an act of class solidarity that I shouldn't be mocked for when, several days later, she found me pooping in the yard because I "didn't want the gnomes to work too hard".

Raised by a hard right parent. Was told that outside the US, every country was basically third world. Even the UK, people there still living in the mud in medieval times under a tyrannical monarchy or some shit.

A more humorous lie I was told was if you swallowed chewing gum, you'd blow bubbles out of your butt. A family friend who told me that said it happened to their dog.