Transfem

honestly same, I have needle phobia, e.g. I nearly pass out when getting blood drawn and I wasn't sure I would ever be able to actually mentally put a needle into my body.

But I learned ways to make it work - I inject subcutaneously instead of IM, so I use tiny needles that usually cause no pain at all. I learned a ton of different tricks to make injecting mentally doable for me and to reduce chances of passing out, and safe in case I do pass out. (Let me know if you want me to share those with you, I have a whole write-up about it.)

I won't lie - it was difficult for me at first. But it also got much easier than I ever thought it would, and now it's pretty much trivial.

I still decided injecting was worth it compared to other methods, and I stand by that in my results. I have had better feminization than trans women I know IRL who started HRT around the same time who just use pills.

My endo agrees that pills are a terrible way to take estrogen, she points out that they cause massive spikes and dips throughout the day rather than maintaining a steady blood level. Also, like 80% of the estrogen is eliminated by the liver and doesn't get into the blood-stream, so it's just inefficient and an unnecessary tax on your liver (though I don't think bioidentical oral estrogen is particularly risky, either).

EDIT: if not pills or injections, transdermal is an option, but I consider it a better option post surgery, since I found I needed higher doses when I still had testes. In the U.S. you generally have to be on HRT for a year before they'll do an orchiectomy (I wanted one immediately, but was gatekept for a year, and I got an orchi ASAP - literally within weeks of my 1 year HRT anniversary, highly recommend it - was great).

Bicalutamide didn't work for me as an anti-androgen, I suspect because it has weak impact on the central nervous system and wasn't blocking biochemical dysphoria in my brain, which was the main reason I personally was on HRT.

I never tried spiro but didn't even want to try, it's a very weak anti-androgen and has side effects and some risks, I just never thought it was a good idea when monotherapy was an option, which is easier with injections and not as feasible or reliable with transdermal routes (patches, gel).

There's also gel and patches. Take your pick :3

Yeah, I'm only going to be on the insurance plan for about a year more at most, so it's not like it's going to be forever. For primary care? I think the last time I visited a primary physician was like 12 years ago when I was 12. Haven't really needed to and haven't gotten sick aside from the occasional cold.

I do plan on moving eventually as well, I'll have to relocate for this job, but that could be in a few months or take up to a year, government being government. I have friends who are trans and they are also looking at moving.

huh, well - I like where your head is at, but I do think it's an unrealistic expectation that the average person will 1. be able to afford the lab equipment, and 2. be able to use that lab equipment competently to homebrew their own vials safely. (Terminal heat sterilization is criticized as a method because steam doesn't reach the inside of the vial, there is a bit of controversy on this within the DIY community AFAIK, generally the preservatives are being relied on too much in those cases. I think filtering is one way to help with the risks but there are additional complications with that, and it is onerous and takes a long time, esp. if you are filtering many vials.)

The standards realistically should be even lower for trans populations, considering we tend on average to struggle depression and executive functioning more, tend to be poor and struggle with unemployment, tend to be less educated & literate, and so on.

I guess my point is that homebrewing from raws is maybe an option for a small percent of the trans population (I would guess less than 10% of us), but realistically the people who can homebrew should probably be thinking about becoming distributors within their local communities (and picking up testosterone raws and making T vials accessible as well so half the trans population isn't dropped). That's a tall order (and a big risk), but I think it's more realistic in terms of guaranteeing HRT than assuming most of us can homebrew ourselves.

Either way, it's true that DIY exists and that OP can access HRT without medical gatekeepers (though you will face other barriers, like having to navigate grey markets that might be daunting for people who don't have familiarity with crypto or computers). Thanks for holding down for DIY!

I think 4 - 5 years is rather optimistic. I agree it's commonly stated vials can last that long, and that it's possible, but the reason I don't communicate that to a beginner is that you can't always count on every vial lasting that long - it's like a best case scenario, not the default you should rely on when organizing your stockpile.

Oils can go rancid and turn cloudy after a year or two. It depends partially on the oils used to make your vial and the conditions under which they were manufactured, shipped, and then stored. As pointed out already, the rubber stopper is another issue - I think with DIY coring is more of a risk because EEn vials are used for much longer than EV vials you get from a pharmacy. In addition to all of this, the FDA recommends not using a vial longer than a month due to the repeated contamination of the vial from puncturing the rubber stop over and over. While preservatives in the vial help reduce the risk, and the FDA guideline is thus ignored by most of us in the community, it's still legitimate advice aimed to reduce possibility of infections (and we as a community are taking risks not because it's the safest for our health but for economic reasons).

All these factors make it seem a little irresponsible in my mind to not communicate a different range, though it's absolutely fair to point out vials can last 4 - 5 years in optimal cases.

When I came out to my moms, one of them commented about how I "suddenly had boobs" - it wasn't sudden and I had been wondering for a couple months if they might notice before I got around to saying something (had been on E for 6 months at that point - granted the first 3-month dosage was in the low-side).

People still default gender me as male though - even those who didn't know me until recently and I've reached the 1 year mark.

Whipping girl is a good read, but I wish she'd release a new edition without of the NB-phobic-seeming stuff taking up so much space (not saying she is NB-phobic)