the vatican couch was plush
this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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The pope didn’t thank him
Obviously Vance wanted to fuck the Papal seat. The pope tried to explain that he couldn't just let Vance fuck the chair of St Peter. Vance did not like this answer.
He slew two white whales in the same building!
He probably didn't even do it on purpose. But I'm sure he did it.
Obviously he was hoping to take his powers.
I asked ChatGPT to explain why JD Vance would kill the pope and it cited articles at me to tell me that JD Vance did not, in fact, kill the pope. I even tried to get it to doubt itself and it doubled down. If I have to live in slop world, I should at least be able to have fun with it :(
Interesting, no slop against big brother.
Rearrange the letters in J.D. Vance and you get VADJECAN
If JD Vance was actually the antichrist/satan it's super funny we greeted his arrival by calling him a couch fucker.
Probably sitting on a couch he found really attractive and got jealous.
He killed him by being near him
Remind some of this
The Pope had this really hot couch and JD fell in love with it at first sight. JD asked the couches father (the Pope) for the couches hand in marriage. The Pope, thinking this was a strange joke, laughed at JD's request. This filled JD with rage so he slit the popes thoat and began fucking the hot sofa.
As he bled out the pope was forced to watch the repeated violent defloration of his favorite piece of furniture.
*loveseat
The couch is just him being gay and thiel forcing him to put it in his book as a humiliation ritual
I love how this is thread is basically lemmyshitpost lmao
Vance is pure evil. Pure evil needs to feed to sustain. In the face of pure evil the pope lost all hope and then Vance fed upon his soul.
I mean I don't think I know Vance killed him. See Trump can make stuff up why can't we.
Because the pope deadnamed him.
James Donald Bowman is a massive cuck and deserves to be reminded off his biological father for as long as people in the USA can't choose which gender they prefer.
I wonder if his ID matches his summoning certificate. 🤔
He's both a subordinate of the Anti-Christ and Russian asset. He was called upon to kill the pope to initiate the Pope election process that they can manipulate in order to get a more "pro-apocalypse" Pope in place.
and Russian asset
I'll give away for free, but in bundle with Putin.
The Pope cried out “take me JC!”
Unfortunately his right hand man is a bit hard of hearing, and let JD into the room…
Proceeds to hold his breath and die before loveseat gets the sideeye
Vance is too stupid to kill him, he'd fuck it up for sure. Did you see him drop Ohio State's trophy the other day? The guy is a total fuck up. He'd end up putting the Iocaine Powder in his own tea.
Nah, it was someone in his entourage that did it.
Did you see him drop Ohio State’s trophy the other day?
Maybe he dropped the Pope?
Vance saw this sexy ass chair And he just had to fuck it. I had to get down and dirty with that fancy seat. The pope tried to get in his way.
Are... Are you JD Vance?
The flu of America*
Tap for spoiler
*Formerly known as influenza or Spanish Flu.
Same as Liz Truss killing the queen. Sometimes, when you're old and in poor health, you just experience something that makes you think "fuck it, I don't need to put up with this shit anymore."
Lol .... this is it
When you're at the end of your life and hanging on the edge looking for a glimmer of hope .... then you get visited by an absolute tool that is only motivated by greed and power and represents a general apathy for any kind of humanity ...
you just think to yourself, "yeah, nah, this isn't worth it any more"
Especially if you genuinely believe in an afterlife. At some point, you think, "Why am I tolerating this tool? I got MUCH better places to be."
JD Vance just existed
The pope died of cringe from experiencing Vance's presence.
Pope didn't say Thank you.
But he did prove the power of prayer
Just want to point out this is what furniture in the Vatican looked like before Pope Francis
And then after Pope Francis
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JD didn't do it on purpose. The most reasonable answer is the Pope accidentally walked on JD in a tender moment with a loveseat. The Pontiff laughed himself to death.
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I don't think it was on purpose the Pope was just too frail to be in the same room as that much cringe. Frankly it was irresponsible of them to allow Vance anywhere near him.
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I THOUGHT this was FAKE NEWS but I'm seeing it All Over Facebook so it MUST be True that JD Vance KILLED the Pope!
-Republicans who Do Their Own Research and STILL Love Trump!
Sure didn't see this one coming, ironically. Before the pope had passed away I commented this on another post.
Bet the poor Pope couldn't even attend because in addition to his health issues he must have felt the evil pressure oozing from Vance.
Welp, poor Francis. He was a good one, and difficult to replace especially in these uncertain times.
The silver lining is that he really made his last big act in life to admonish Vance, and by extension the Trump admin, about their wrongdoing. He has my gratitude for that.
Jealousy.
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