As a former boy scout, my least favorite kind of person to go camping with is anyone who never bothered to figure out how any of their gear works. They inevitably show up in the dark and gripe about stuff like it's in Swedish Ikea directions format, start off the first day grumpy as hell cause they froze their asses off on the hard ground and didn't get any sleep. What's worse is this turns them against the prospect of ever visiting the outdoors again and they leave the gear to rot in their garage instead of donating it to someone more responsible and with a more enthusiastic joie de vivre than them, namely small, poor children.
this post was submitted on 03 May 2025
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Cyberstuck
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A place to post your Cybertruck fails! We're here to make fun of this hunk of shit and throw as much shade as we can to that garbage bag of a human elon.
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IKEA instructions are clear, concise, and complete. A better comparison would be Chinese flatpack trash from Wayfair with poorly photocopied diagrams, inscrutable Engrish, and missing steps.
Very precise. I do technical drawings for fabricators and Ikea is the sort of gold standard, for exploded assemblies views anyhow. What I was getting at was another layer of insufferability which is the people that complain about instructions which can't be any more clear, just because they are bellyachers.
I use IKEA directions as a barometer for basic problem solving skills. They're designed to use universal symbols and no wording so anyone can follow them. If you can't follow those directions, well... It's not the instructions that are the problem.
I learned to cherish IKEA instructions after my first and last experience with those.
People who don't ever use their toys prior to executing the camping trip are probably amateurs in more ways than just camping.
Similar experiences with me except army.
Load all their Gucci kit into a ruck. March 12km out to the middle of bumfuck nowhere huffing and puffing cause your shit weighs 80lbs before they gave you ammo, water and rations. Now you're wearing battle rattle and hiking up Mount Fuckyou carrying a load of bullshit.
Get to the bivouac, drop your shit and you didn't bother to figure out how your new inflatable mattress works instead of a foam hobo-pad the army issues you... Oh and you forgot to pack your bivvie bag and the ground is wet so you're trying to suck and fuck your way into someone's spare kit... Oh and you didn't bring a headlamp for sentry duty and now I gotta explain the the Sarge why my 2IC is such a useless bag of milk and needs to see a medic cause they cooked their lower back lugging their kitchen sink up a mountain for a three day mission.
Motherfucker, if you listened to me and packed the bare essentials and threw your spare kit in the truck you wouldn't be having this problem. Next time, make sure your goddamn flashlight has batteries and no, you can't use my battery pack to charge your cellphone. If my phone dies what am I gonna look at while baking in the 40°C blue rocket? The same childish graffiti of cocks? Brother, I drew those cocks. I don't need to look at them.
Might I add: My ass is 230lbs and I ain't got a gat dang problem lugging my shit up there. Yet these young dumb lads think they're the Morningstar's gift to the corps and yet here they are crying to me that their balls are so chafed they're bleeding.
Both saddened and relieved I never attained this level of ...militariness(?)
The language alone is super kickass and I would have had a lot of fun bustin chops. I was out of there before I was 15 so it wasn't to be.
On the other hand, damn, why was this even allowed to be an option? I guess it's trial by fire but it seems like military issued gear should be the only gear allowable in that situation and that they would have gone through extensive drilling till they got proficient before getting into potential life-risking conditions. Honestly, looking back, it wasn't much different for our first backpacking trips. We were still using terrible external-framed packs. My mom insisted on getting the crappiest discount ghetto-ass pack for me and I was in a ton of pain the whole time. Parents weren't super into looking out for us back in those days. Years later, I got myself a decent internal-framed pack and the extreme upgrade made me want to go kick them all in the dicks. It didn't cost one penny more, either. Just somewhat slightly thoughtful.
Haha, either way, I sure do love the way you described it. Thanks for posting.
Often, I think of this line from Deadwood when I read a description I really like. It's not about the lying, of course. It's about the turns of phrase and the storytelling. Thanks again.
God dammit Swearengen, I don't trust you as far as I can throw ya...but I enjoy the way you lie.
https://www.reddit.com/r/deadwood/comments/1e51dyv/daily_deadwood_quote_337/ldj8zhb/
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As a former scout myself, I am perfectly fine with just a sleeping bag on the ground unless it is likely to precipitate in any way. But I could also build a simple shelter using materials from around the area if I really had to.
In North Ontario, the black flies want to know your next campsite location.
I got a really nice bivvie bag with a single tent pole and an integral bug net. It has been fantastic when the deer flies wanna know what your eyelids taste like.
Could you build a waterproof shelter using found materials?
Rope and plastic sheeting would be a minimum requirement for me.
This is exactly the reason I bought a car that can fit an inflatable mattress in the back.
Because I won’t let details like a lack of preparation stop me! I’ve prepared for that!
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anyone who never bothered to figure out how any of their gear works. They inevitably show up in the dark and gripe about stuff like it’s in Swedish
Dang, you have a lot of prejudices against me. And they're all wrong. What's fun about knowing how stuff works, finding it out is the adventure!
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They could have just bought a Porsche Taycan with the roof tent with that Cubertruck money.
The funniest part about this is that the Aztec is usually considered "ugly".
But when you compare it to a cybertruck... It looks like a masterpiece.
No joke, it's basically a vehicle to rest your eyes upon in such context.
I wonder if dude actually made it home, as those things aren't designed to leave pavement.
I hear he hit a 1-meter patch of ice and the cybertruck spontaneously combusted.
You jest, but their warranty is literally invalid off pavement.
TIL: the cybertruck has a tent. WHY!
I think it's an accessory you can buy. The quality seems to be on par with the rest of the thing.
It was advertised as a hard top too. They made it a basic ass tent that doesn't even work.
I recently found out that this is a surprisingly common option for new cars.
Its having “pc beeper comes with the case and not the motherboard” vibes to me. Something legacy.
As ugly as the Aztek is, it's gorgeous next to that stainless steel doorstop.
I miss my old Pontiac Aztec, I had this tent and inflatable mattress. This cars truck space was huge!!
Honestly it was the ugliest car, but also the best car.
Center consoles air conditioning "nipples" were the best.
The Aztec wasn’t ugly in the right configuration and even if it was ugly, it was at least practical and affordable
You can't call the Aztec ugly when You compare it to the ugliest car in history. Except the Fiat Multipla of course.
The good thing about an ugly car is you don't see it when you sit inside.
From what I saw, the cybertruck is also ugly on the inside.
I unironically like the Aztec. Function over form.
Probably first time doing it and he didn’t even try at home before going camping. When those foldable kayaks started popping out on Amazon, I saw a couple arriving with two at a lake. They spent like 20 minutes trying to assemble them and ended up giving up.
The first thing I did when I got my inflatable kayak was to inflate it in my living room for the reason you are describing.
Nah, you did it because it's fun to have a kayak in the living room! Learning how was just a bonus.
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I am not into camping so I'm not sure, but isn't the point to get away from density/people/etc? There's so many cars there. Am I missing something (aside from an appreciation for nature up close)?
It mentions a bike ride the next day, so it's probably just something that's out in the middle of nowhere and starts pretty early. They'll often have an area for participants to camp for the night instead of driving out in the early morning.
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a $3000 car tent? there is no fucking way.
For one third of that you can have a huge deluxe family room sized tent that would be 5000 times more durable and easier to put up. This is the Apple product of tents without the quality or ease of use.
so the modern apple product of tents
Rooftop tents quite comfortably hit that figure - but this is probably outclassed by a couple of pool noodles and a tarp.
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I could get a hella nice 4 season tent for way cheaper than that. 3k for a tent is ridiculous unless you're going to places that will kill you, or you're winter camping.
Most trucks can accommodate some sort of official or unofficial tent. Granted, the Aztec was, I believe, designed with that in mind. I feel like the cybertruck tent failure was likely a combination of poor design and the lack of critical thinking that a person who purchased a cybertruck has. Regardless, I prefer my canvas tent on the ground. There is plenty of space, no climbing, and I can have a stove (heat only) for winter excursions.
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