Bravo

I hope one day it’s no longer necessary but today isn’t that day.

I love it.

It's a long and sad story of corporate greed.

When I moved (retired) to Lakeview, I wanted to explore all the dirt roads nearby. I didn't want to drive my car so I was looking for a used motorbike/ATV to ride around. The local Polaris dealer had this used ATV for half price ($3,000).

I bought it in the winter and was unable to ride it till Spring. When I did get a chance to ride it, it didn't work right. It wouldn't go over 10 mph. I went back to the Polaris dealer and told them it was not working. They said "Your three month warranty is up." I said OK but would you help me to figure out what is wrong with it? They were not willing to help.

I am a fair mechanic so I re-jeted the carburetor for this altitude. That didn't help. I pulled the muffler and cleaned it to be sure it was not clogged. That didn't help. I finally did a compression test that showed me the piston/cylinder was worn out. The motor needed to be overhauled.

I didn't have the cash on hand to perform that task so there it sat. It sat for a while in my back yard until, one day, I thought it would be better in the front yard. When I got it into the front yard I wanted it to be more noticeable so I flipped it upside down. I then thought it looked to "dark" so I added legs sticking out. I NOW thought it looked prefect (to me).

As it happened, the store owner from where I bought the ATV from was friends with the chief of police so a couple of days later the chief of police stopped by and told my I had to remove it. I asked why and he told me it was a "distraction" and if there was ANY car accidents nearby he would hold ME responsible for the crash. I asked him if this "distraction" was like a flashing neon sign that says OPEN, OPEN, OPEN? He said he didn't like my attitude and I had a week to remove it.

So...I got drunk. And I walked drunk to the local newspaper and took an ad out in the "for sale" section of the paper.

ATV art for sale by leading ATV artist. Price reduced from $54,500.00 to $23,456.78. My loss is your gain.

I paid for the ad in crumpled up one dollar bills I had in my pocket. I tried to cry but I was having too much fun.

THEN I went to the police station and told them I was selling my "artwork" but now that it has a price on it, they need to go by a few times at night and make sure nobody is messing with my valuable work.

I had ONE concerned citizen contact me to "help." He was aware of the situation and he also had a run in with this police department himself. He offered to buy my artwork on one condition. It had to stay there. "ART shouldn't move."

The deal he made with me is I get to show the police a check he wrote to me to "buy" my artwork but I would not ever actually cash the check he wrote...and the art stays there.

And there it stays.

Keeps the seat dry in the rain