Let's not forget "We need this right away!" then it takes weeks to deploy because the people who requested it weren't actually ready for it yet (if they don't change their mind and decide they don't actually want it at all).
this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2025
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Guess i got a blackout bingo on this one. Oof.
"Put all your changes on 3 separate sharepoint calendars a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. Also do the normal approval garbage in ServiceNow and attend a 2 hour CAB for final approval. If you didn't select the right dropdown menu option in the ticket details, you'll have to start this whole process over.
Also, why does it take you guys so long to get stuff done?"
PO: "Why does it seem like it takes a really long time to develop new features?"
Dev: "I'm glad you asked! We've got this piece of code (points at smoldering pile of spaghetti) that literally has to be changed every time we do anything. The person who wrote it has been gone for like four years. No one knows how it works and it's central to the entire application. I would estimate that this easily doubles the time it takes to work each ticket. I've created a set of stories to rewrite this code. We just need your approval to bring it into an upcoming sprint."
PO: "Can't... Hear... Breaking... Up... Bad connection..."
Dev: "Uhhh... This isn't a Teams meeting. You're sitting in the room with us right now."
PO: ...
Dev: "We know you're still here even if you're not moving."
PO: ...
The person who wrote it has been gone for like four years
Four years? You gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers.
God, as a true scrummaster - one who believes in actual scrum - where the devs make the rules - not management.. this hurts. This hurts so goddamn much.
- 4 hour planning? PMs shit the bed.
- Story points = hours? Micromanagement
- Estimate with that much accuracy? Micromanagement who are also terrible with managing their own schedules.
- It's a simple task. - How would any business person know how long or expensive a dev task is.
And on and on, and of course you all know this. The term "Agile" has been so bastardized from it's conception by management who think it's a micromanagement tool. It's quite literally the opposite. It's mean to put the power in the hands of the developers - so they can be efficient and keep management out of their way. Management just couldn't handle handing over a tiny bit of power though. Have to break the fundamental pillars of agile, like dictating what a point is, or how long things should take. Ugh.
My job uses Safe. It's the bastardized scrum you speak of.
Are points the complexity, effort or time? Yes. No. No. Maybe. Yes. Who knows?
They also sum our teams capacity as if we are interchangeable cogs doing the 1 same simple task.
We have endless meetings. Daily 1hrs. Follow up to the follow up. Meeting to plan meetings. (I wish I was joking on this next on) Planning meetings to plan for the upcoming planning meetings.
It's chaos.
It's hell.
I get 5% as much actual work done as I used to. Not even joking. It's bad.
Im not in the industry and the answer to my question might be part of the problem: have you tried to say something? / what was the outcome of you criticising the whole planning and meeting mentality?
Not the person you're answering but usually these are not a root problem but only a symptom. The answer will range from being told that you are the problem to "let's schedule a meeting to discuss that".
The mentality usually stems from higher up, and you don't really get to speak to people originating policy.
Yeah, if middle management micromanages you, that's likely because their boss makes them answer some uncomfortable questions, if anything goes wrong.
It's actually not a crime to mercy kill and dispose of the body of anyone who says "Well, it's a simple task. Are you having difficulty?".
It's an obscure and weirdly specific law.
(This is a joke, of course.)
I have spent the past 20 years cultivating a variety of tones in which to utter my standard reply to such nonsense:
"Cool. You do it then."
That's a great way to handle it.
I like to pass them the ticket and schedule the next open hour on their calendar for them to teach me how to do it, if they're a developer. Sometimes they do, because I was genuinely missing something easy. Usually they get to awkwardly discuss why they don't have it done yet, either.
When the person isn't even a developer, I'll explain the usual process between developers, and give them a chance to beg their way out of it.
If they don't beg off, I schedule them anyway and see if they can actually at least "rubber duck" me through the problem. (Sometimes it even works.)
I've had a couple peers discover (or rekindle) their love for development this way. Most just make up a reason not to make the meeting, though.
Bikeshed? That's a new one for me.
Bikeshedding is when instead of making important, compex decisions that have consequences for being wrong, someone focuses on the simple, low impact, minimally important part of a project that has no consequences if its fucked up.
I think the term comes from construction projects where instead of finalizing the design of a complex building, the execs spend the entire time talking about bike parking on site. What color to have the roof, how many bikes it should hold, etc.
Bikeshedding is about offloading responsibility while still feigning involvement. You, the owner, avoid the whole part of your job youre paid for, i.e "making the hard decisions" and through misdirection and inaction, make someone else do it. That way you can blame them later if things go wrong, or take credit for their work if they go right.