when i was a kid, my mom used to tie my mitts to a string of yarn that she'd run between the arms of my coat so i wouldn't lose them.

you're gonna think i'm crazy.

i did the same thing with my sheet. yarn and a darning needle, poked a hole in each bottom corner and tied them to the posts.

now i can also make a little parachute fort, too, but it's always full of farts

Then you decide to get up, turn the lights on, the wave function collapses and it just a normal 3 dimensional sheet again.

The nerve...

I got myself one of those 100 sqft blankets and now instead of waking up with my blanket only covering one kneecap I have to swim my way out of Narnia.

10/10, highly recommend.

Nr. 3 only works if it's animated...

The thread count also goes from infinite to approaching, but never reaching, zero.

The tag edge is quantum superpositioned with the other 3 edges.

THIS is what the top sheet is good for. A good top sheet tuck and you can swim under the sheet and your blanket will remain in place.

Unless you death roll … you’re just gonna end up wrapped in blanket and sheet if you death roll

This must be why I sometimes wake up in a different orientation, unsure of what room I'm in.