0.3 away

Away what? Apples? Eggs?

Is this a late stage capitalism?

👨 🫴🦋

This is fake?

Double oopsie! Your driver delivering flowers to your other driver was in an accident! Would you like to deliver flowers to the driver who was delivering flowers?

"Your dasher crashed, but based on his tracking, he's still crawling towards you. This could induce some delay. If you go meet him on the way, you can get a rebate on your tipping fees!"

"Would you like to call an UberAmbulance?"

It's a trap. Like in the famous documentary, 'The Santa Clause', if you examine the crash site the drivers body will disappear and YOU will become the Door Dasher, and be required to fulfill all of their commitments.

Sir you can't be on this side of the police tape. Are you are related to the deceased?

No, but I'm just going to snag my Mickey Donalds right quick and I'll be out of your way.

"sEnD fLoWeRs tO yOuR dAsHeR's hOsPiTaL rOoM" 💀

"your Dasher has died in a collision but here's a pin drop in the chance you can collect your order from the wreckage"

At least there's still a chance for profit, just got to sell some flowers

0.3 what away from me? Miles? Kilometers? Meters? Units matter - I'm not driving to the other side of town just to pick up a bloody pizza.

the dasher delivering your flowers to the previous dasher's hospital room, has gotten into an accident

"Oh my god is he ok?"

"Yes your food is 50% ok!"

I hate capitalism.

I actually had this happen once. Dasher got in an accident

The app just showed his car going in circles around the point he crashed

Needs instructions for in person pickup.

"Your dasher wears a medical bracelet identifying his next of kin. To expedite access to the crime scene to retrieve your order (1x bagel bites, 4x lubricant and 1x grain alcohol) dash++ members can unlock this name to then pose as a direct relation when authorities ask."

I wonder what % of people seeing this think it's real? People really gotta keep an eye on the community and understand what shitposting means

Clean up any bloodstains with cold water.

Did you tip?