Are you on the one that has a building effect?

Oto-something?

Elvanse here.

Anyway. If that still isnt clicking then I leave you with this only, your trauma is your own and cant be redefined by outside sources.

But none of that means we cant try to help, support and prepare people before they (potentially) experience it.

The goal is always to make the world a little bit nicer for those who follow us.

So you do not see the distinction. You're repeatedly arguing past the point.

Nobody is saying trauma is something you can simply reason yourself out of after the event. Ive repeatedly pointed that out even. I'm saying the meaning we attach to an event beforehand affects how we interpret and experience it.

Yes, first experiences can produce strong associations. That doesn't establish that we should culturally frame someone's first sexual experience as a uniquely defining threshold where something is permanently "lost". If anything, that makes the framing more relevant, not less.

A traumatic first sexual experience may be traumatic because of what actually happened: coercion, pain, fear, humiliation, betrayal, whatever the circumstances were. But the additional belief that "this was my one special first time and now it's been irreversibly taken from me" is a separate layer of meaning, and that layer absolutely can be socially taught.

You're treating "trauma can form involuntarily" as though it disproves "cultural expectations can shape how experiences are understood" but those propositions don't conflict at all.

Again, you're looking it after the fact, this discussion is about prevention.

Can you not see the distinction?

That’s a pretty extraordinary reading of what I said. “A traumatic experience can be real and serious without permanently defining your identity” is almost the opposite of victim blaming.

I haven’t blamed anyone for being traumatised, or suggested they caused their own distress. I’m saying that we don’t need to reinforce the idea that a bad first sexual experience means something fundamental has been permanently lost or changed about them.

You're determined to collapse “this experience can be traumatic” into “therefore virginity should carry this enormous cultural significance”, but the second simply doesn’t follow from the first, and there's no good reason to force it to.

Re-read my last. You're making a slightly different distinction to uphold this point, and it doesnt really make sense.

Consider the consequences of associating what you consider a defining moment of your sexual identity with trauma, forever.

Consider then, a mindset where that moment does not define your sexual identity.

In which scenario would you expect to feel better.

What you're saying is how to deal with an event after it happens, the topic here is how to shape your expectations before the event, to avoid a worse fallout. Regardless of how negative the experience is.

I think thats exactly why this sentiment is being fielded.

It allows a separation from what can easily be a less than pleasant experience that society often puts a lot of pressure on.

But i think that's exactly the point being made, there shouldn't be that much pressure on it because it is very often disappointing. Building it up in your head as a moment that will define you often has no benefit to your life.

Bible shaggers will disagree for obvious reasons, but nobody is going to them for measured romantic and sexual advice.

Have sex when you feel ready. Make it special if you want to. No need to make it an implicit societal pressure.

Recently begun medication and am able to skip the entirety of the green, now I have hours where there is nothing that needs doing.

How do normal people deal with this.

Yeah man and those damn democrats supporting Israel, we were better off voting for Trump because he doesnt... wait. Oh wait no actually he also supports Israel, fuck, well that acheived less than nothing.

Some people have friends all over the world that cant make the journey.

Recently had this for a family funeral, 40/50 people from South Africa asked if it could be live-streamed. The immediate family didnt like the idea, but i can appreciate why they asked.