The directions on the website were sparse. The part numbers in the manual didn't match the part numbers on the website. All I need to filter is arsenic, my tap water is from aquifers and is pretty good otherwise, no sediment, rust, or other chemicals. So, I just bought three arsenic filters.

Don't really need the arsenic filters, the water is just under the standard 10 pbb, but I figured why not? When the filter was new, I paid for a water test of before and after the filter. Before was 8.(something) and after was 0.5ish. So, it made a big difference.

No amount of arsenic is safe, like no amount of alcohol. Same idea, but with water. I'm sure arsenic, even at 8, won't be the thing that kills me, but again, why not filter it since I can?

If your parents couldn't afford a Schwinn, you got a Sears Spyder.

I think they were made by Schwinn.

Mine looked like this, and it was a hand-me-down from my brother. The handle on the back of the seat support was used to tow your friends on roller skates.

Twenty years ago, cities started promising and even tried to install free, city-wide Wifi. What happened?

I'm old. I have an enlarged prostate, or at least I think I do, I need to have it diagnosed.

So, I tell the doctor and she says she'll order a test (does not involve probing, I was happy to find. I've had that before, both in the doctor's office and otherwise. Not a fan.)

She orders a slew of blood tests and a urine test.

I go to the lab, they draw my blood and I pee in a cup.

Two days later the test results of all the tests are posted on the website. But, there's no prostate test result. I search for what the test involves. I find that the PSA test can be ran on blood, urine, or semen.

I message the doctor, she says, "Hmm. I don't know why the lab didn't collect that specimen. The order is in, you need to go back."

So, of course, all night I'm thinking "collecting the specimen" means I'm going to need to masturbate into a cup at the office. Also, not my kink, not at all. And, not that easy at my age, it takes some effort.

Fortunately, it was a blood draw. I was much happier having a needle stuck in my arm.

Beavis and Butt-Head was created by the American animator Mike Judge. He graduated with a degree in physics but struggled to connect with his work in computer science.