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[–] -1 points 2 months ago (10 children)

Here you go.

Just apply for a credit card.

Surely a dedicated warrior like yourself wouldn't balk at running up some bills?

Anything else I can help you with?

https://www.capitalone.com/

Now what's your excuse?

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  • [–] 1 point 2 months ago (9 children)

    Sure. Can you provide sufficient liquid F2 whose gaseous form can achieve 500 ppm over a diameter of 50 kilometers? A sufficiently powerful smoke machine which can achieve this concentration over that area using the provided F2 is also required. These materials must be transferred to the center of Moscow undetected.

    Think you can whip up that grocery list for me? Or do you have an excuse?

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  • [–] 0 points 2 months ago (8 children)

    You've got the credit card, get cracking!

    I think we're done here.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 months ago (7 children)

    The F2 sellers will have me killed if I try to buy it from them, since I'm on the US government's kill list. It would be impossible to use my credit card, since the government would drop a bomb on my head as soon as I go to collect the goods.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 months ago (6 children)

    Got it. You're so dangerous you're on the government's kill list, but too moral to do a little credit card fraud.

    John Brown was a wanted man when he went to Harper's Ferry.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 months ago (5 children)

    Ol' John Brown didn't envelop the entire Eastern Seaboard with toxic psychedelic gas, putting him on said kill list, though.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 months ago (4 children)

    No one in history has needed to touch grass as hard as you do.

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  • [–] 0 points 2 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

    I'm sure you've gone from mildly amusing to boring and borderline creepy.

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