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to anyone worried about passing (quokk.au)
submitted 4 days ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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A post was deleted just now and that is ok. I get it. It's hard to think about and talk about ones innermost decisions and thoughts, and as a transgender individual trying to figure out what to do and where to go from here was really hard for me so I totally get it. But I wrote this up for you and everyone else in a similar situation so I am gonna make a new post and maybe you will read it. And if not, that's ok too. I am just one girl with an opinion. ๐Ÿ’œ

Fuck passing. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You might pass and you might not but people that care about you will not care about that. They will love you and support you and change their words for you. Anyone that doesn't can get fucked.

You can't let passing be a barrier. I am guessing that many many trans people worried a lot about passing before they started transitioning. It's probably a very natural thing to worry about.

But you need to understand that there is no one magical thing that "makes you a woman"

Don't let 'passing' get in the way of how you feel about yourself. Don't let anything or anyone get in your head and turn you away from how you see your authentic self.

I understand waiting if your living situation isn't ideal, but you can still do affirming things beyond shaving. The first step is always the hardest. The more steps you take, the easier it gets.

You can do this if you decide to. Just remember that we love you and care about you no matter what you decide. It can take a while to figure out how to move forward. It took me 1 year from when I first realized I needed HRT. It can take some people longer. Try not to sweat it. You will be ok.

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[โ€“] 17 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I think half of the "passing" thing is that I want to look femme to me, for me. The other half is safety. Too many people getting attacked when using public restrooms or just walking down the street. I'm avoiding going back to my hometown because it's likely unsafe for me there until I am "passing".

Anyway, I totally get the sentiment that you shouldn't feel obligated by society to "pass". And I totally agree that shouldn't be a primary reason to subject yourself to the stress and risk of surgery. If only it were that simple, especially in countries like mine, the US, where things are getting more and more dangerous outside of major cities, or countries where it's just plain illegal to exist.

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  • [โ€“] [S] 5 points 4 days ago

    Those are good points. Safety is very important and valid, and I wish I would have touched on that earlier.

    One thing I did in the beginning was to wear colorful cloth masks matching my outfits. I think doing that and hiding my receding hair line underneath hats did a huge job with allowing me to pass in people's eyes.

    ๐Ÿ’œ

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  • [โ€“] 3 points 3 days ago

    Yeah we have to pass for safety reasons and general social acceptance. It sucks, it's not fair, but it's the truth.

    You're absolutely valid if you don't pass and one should never let the possibility of not passing stop you from taking the plunge and transitioning. However, life will be much harder if you don't pass. And life is already really hard for girls who DO pass.

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