Ask Lemmy

Okay here’s an alternative route:

Rather than trying to express this with words, do it through meaningful action. Go out of your way to spend time with this person. Suggest things you can do together even if it’s just going out for coffee or shopping or whatever. When they open up and share, listen in earnest and express empathy. This will allow your feelings to show themselves organically without you having to concoct some awkward-ass monologue about it. This will also provide you with nonverbal feedback about how they feel, and you can proceed accordingly.

Took me decades to figure this out myself btw.

Whatever you decide to do, remember this: You have spent a lot more time thinking about this than they have.

Keep it simple, don’t overwhelm them, don’t talk about the far future, and don’t have this conversation in a place where they can feel trapped or coerced.

Probably the best thing I've learned in life is to disassociate actions from results. Stop wanting so much, especially things the world can't possibly promise. Do things because they feel right to you, not because you expect something out of it. In this way you will never be disappointed.

In this particular scenario, are you confessing your feelings because you want them to know, or because you want them to like you back? If it's the former, go for it and then move on with your life. If it's the latter, prepare to be miserable over and over forever.

It's always a tough situation since rejection can hurt a lot, but at the same time if you never tried at all you may never know. So I think it's worth it to pursue your desire in almost every (romantic) situation if you believe your feelings are true, because the unknown can haunt you for a much longer time

Not enough context to give a nuanced answer. But this is the internet and you're asking strangers with no skin in the game for life advice.

So here is my piece, one or the other has to be true:

1. This is your only chance. You need to tell them or you will be forever alone.

2. There will be many more chances. If you get rejected you'll feel like crap for a while and then someone else comes along.

I am very confused by your post because it seems like you failed your class on how to appropriately use punctuation, and I can't tell where one sentence ends and another starts.

But the answer is: Yes, obviously you should express your feelings, even if you aren't sure they will reciprocate. If two people are interested in eachother, someone has to make the first move. So if they haven't yet, it has to be you!

Of course, they might say yes, no, or I dunno, or anything else. But none of that matters because you can't control any of that - what you can control is what you do. And your odds of getting a "yes" are infinitely better if you make a move rather than doing nothing.

The important thing is what happens after. Can you get shot down and then just say "okay", and move on with your life? If so, great. If not, well, don't do that.

I’m generally of the opinion that it’s better to express your feelings for someone at some point than to hold back and continue spending time with them in a way that becomes a form of torture for yourself. Better to hear a no and move on than to waste time on something that won’t happen. Maybe don’t ask immediately, give yourself time to try to see if your feelings are real or a passing crush. And try to figure out if they’re even generally open to a relationship. Assuming they’re not already in a relationship with someone, is it because they are happy being single and not looking? Have they recently gotten out of a relationship and want to take time to focus on themselves? If they’re not likely to want a relationship with anyone right now, save yourself some awkwardness and try to move on. Otherwise, if it seems like an appropriate time, see what happens.

they telling me it's cute

Exactly at this point you should take it as a "NO".

No further explanations needed.

I think it’s okay to tell someone your feelings for them, if and only if you don’t make it their responsibility to manage and regulate those feelings.

All relationships are reciprocal to a degree. Liking someone is normal, if they don’t reciprocate those feelings that’s okay, doesn’t mean anything has to change. If you respect them as a person and don’t just see them as someone to fill a role in your life then you should be able to sublimate romantic feelings into a healthy plutonic feelings.

Don’t force anything, pay attention to expressed boundaries and learn to differentiate for yourself when you’re giving too much.

there's a right to free speech, you can tell them how you feel. whether it makes sense is another story. for me personally, i would be flattered if somebody walks up to me and tells me that they like me.

If you say anything and the other doesn't want to go farther they are likely to handle this by not having anything more to do with you. That is as soon as you say anything there are two responses: they agree and you move forward, or you never see them again!

Unfortunately every advice I (or anyone else that I've seen) can get you is right for some situations/people and wrong for others. Move too slow and they give up on you if interested, move too fast and even if they are interested they get scared off. Good luck figuring this out for your exact relationship. Even if you get it right for some relationship that doesn't mean the same thing will work for the next.

If you want to give up your feelings and pursuit then yes, if not then no.

Hold on. Do you talk to and interact with this person in real life? Has this person done anything at all that might make you think they like you?

The answer to your question is very situational. Is this someone you just met, are you currently friend-zoned, is this someone you've already been officially dating for a while?

In other words, what stage are you at in this relationship?

This sounds like a situation where you're currently friend-zoned, so I'll answer with that assumption.

You're going to get a lot of opinions on this kind of question, one way or another, and some of this will just depend on what part of the world you live in. In my opinion, the best way out of the friend-zone is to just be direct and ask them out on an official date. This lets them know that you really are interested in them without putting too much pressure on them. At that point, it's on them to figure out how to respond.

If they are interested, they'll respond positively. If they aren't, they'll either say no, come up with excuses, or back out last minute. If they cancel on you, do they really sound like they sincerely want to go on a date with you? If you're not sure, give them another chance, but if you find that they consistently cancel on you, then it's time to move on/just keep them as a friend.

It depends. I've been on the other side and I'm glad they told me, but we were good friends. But it is awkward and uncomfortable, it just in that case made it so it was mutually understood what was happening as we drifted apart, rather than leaving me wondering why and them wondering what if.

Ultimately that's the thing, if it's probably a no, then you're more likely balancing a question of how much it needs to be said with how awkward you expect it to be, though likelihood of reciprocation is still a factor here, it's just that even at a definite no it may be worth it.

Most importantly though is about making it clear you'll respect however they feel. I wish I didn't have to say that, but unfortunately some people need it said.