Finally something to cancel out the SIN button
this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2026
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers
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redundancy, but not for its own sake
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OK, now that’s funny. I added your joke to the article, and a little credit at the bottom.
Oh, I thought it was a memory function cuz Jesus saves.
What happens if you use both in an equation?
You get a nice TAN
That's mixing god and science together which would be an an abomination to most christians. Or if you are dan brown it's just normal bookstory
It subtracts the tip from your restaurant bill.
That's the Save button.
"Hold on, I gotta QuickJesus just in case."
DAMNATION! NO DONATION, NO SALVATION!
Shared with my godfather, a mathematician at a Catholic university with a calculator collecting hobby. The only way this could be any more up his alley is if there was a Star Trek joke in there somewhere. XD
Look at what the button on the bottom right says.
There was a time when this would have been obvious satire, but these days you just don't know.
ICE agents immediately subdued and shot the calculator.
If 8 people, standing in an octagon, press those buttons at the same time, at midnight, the rapture activates.
Do they have to be Christians? Because if not, I can round up seven more people real quick and finally be left behind in peace.
Any human will do as long as they can push a button.
My breath has been smelling like onion way too much lately
so, google's "i'm feeling lucky" but wired into an ai.
It's a Voltron of irrelevancy. Two things that have been rendered completely useless in a modern world, mushed together.
Hey, buttons aren’t useless. You watch your mouth!!
As a lover of 70s/80s sci-fi, I agree. But how many of us still carry calculators around?
I keep a Casio scientific calculator in my work bag. Because sometimes I have oily hands and need to do algebra.
You’d carry it if it had a solid gold Jesus button. But no, it’s not gold. It’s the same paint they use on Trump’s toilets.
Is that the Muslim one?