Just go with it. No one will question it.

Next say you're diabetic to avoid the ice cream socials. Lol

If they were really concerned about him feeling welcome, they would ask what he wants and take it at face value.

I had these forced socializing events at a company I worked at. The CTO would get mad that I wouldn’t go during lunch aka unpaid time. They would have free unhealthy, low-quality food and couldn’t understand why I did want any. The husband did the right thing. Not going to them hurt my career at that job. Was seen as not a team player.

Most of the lactose free ice cream options use shit that upsets your stomach even more than dairy hitting a lactose intolerant stomach. I thought I was gonna die after eating lactose free ben and Jerry's, but I'm totally fine eating their regular ice cream with some lactase enzyme.

There's some brands that just add lactase enzyme and those are fine, but the ones I've had were just generally low quality ice cream and you'd be better off taking lactase enzyme with a good ice cream...

Right, one employee has a common digestive issue that's common to many, and they devote an entire dairy free ice cream machine to him, and make him a diversity case study? That doesn't sound remotely plausible.

I've so far defied conventional wisdom by just saying flat out when I don't want to deal with off-hours 'fun' time. Which has pretty much been every time. During work hours? Sure no problem. No I'm not going to a team dinner or evening movie.

Most egregious one was a couple decades back when the team was arranging a nice holiday dinner. This was early in my career so I hadn't yet developed the comfort to reject, but the event was "pay your own way" and the restauraunt was a $120 a person, and that is not an inflation adjusted figure. I had barely enough to make rent at the time so there's no way I was going to piss away $120 just to eat with coworkers that I get to see every day anyway. I was so nervous declining, but it got a bit easier when they acted offended I wouldn't do it and said $120 wasn't really a lot of money.

The funny thing is I stopped drinking milk and eating dairy for a couple of years almost by accident. I started drinking black coffee, never eat cereal, rarely eat cake with cream, only have cheese sparingly. Now, whenever I do drink milk I get the shits something rotten. I actually have given myself (mild) lactose intolerance. IT CAN BE DONE.

Lactose intolerant??? No I said I lack toes in toddler ants!

Meanwhile, Elaine is dating a karate sensei and they get mugged in the park and he didn't use his karate to protect her, Kramer is making counterfeit kurieg pods, and Jerry has a new set that only works offstage.

“Turns out I’m allergic to people. Yep. “

This didn't happen.

I mentioned that I’m lactose intolerant once to the person who organizes lunch/snack events in the office. Since then, there’s always fruit sherbet included with the regular ice cream whenever there’s a free food event on our floor.

I don’t like frozen fruit juice for dessert, and I can still tolerate a small serving of regular of ice cream, so I’ve never touched the sherbet. I don’t know if they’ve noticed.

Take that shit to the grave imo

Tell him turn up to the ribbon cutting, try the dairy free ice cream, say"Christ that's rank!" and then vomit on the CEO's shoes.

Problem solved.

I once leaned into my social anxiety to try and get out of some company outings and dinners etc. Instead of being able to get out of them, the company made a big deal about being inclusive of me and booked a "quiet meal" at a restaurant. It was meant as a place for people with sensory overload issues. Instead it became my awkward silence hell. Nobody talking but looking with that look at me occasionally.

Oatmilk icecream has come a long way

"Have fun with us, Dave. You must."

As they flash a menacing smile that doesn't quite reach the eyes...

He just learned he's actually casein-intolerant, whoops this stuff bothers him too.

A lot of people need to learn to both say no, and not care about what people say after you said no.

People who have 0 interest in respecting your choices are not worth pleasing.

Bro just keep running with it at this point he's made enough waves for those who are lactose intolerant and you know what the best thing he can do is: tell everyone that he's taking a prescription grade Lactose intolerant treatment and if anyone asks him how is it going he can tell people, "he's, starting treatment and it's going slow but he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to really enjoy Lactose."

Then!!!!! He can go one step further and every time there's a birthday he can, "forget," his prescription grade Lactose intolerance pills and not participate while still getting to enjoy a creamy coffee.

Edit: this would have to be done about a month or two after the fridge is installed because I have a feeling if they knew he wasn't they'd make him pay for the fridge and potentially fire him.

Oh no. I'm lactose intolerant but I've been storing my plant-based ice cream in a regular freezer!