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Yeah, happened to me too. Came creeping up, but it still sucks. For me it accelerated when I got on progesterone, but that might be a coincidence.
As you said, not so much hating my dick but desperately wanting a vagina. I can feel exactly where it should be and where the parts should be, but...
You aren't alone!
It accelerated for me when I started estrogen, but E improved my life so significantly I obviously would choose that every time.
For me it was more about feeling my penis was out of place, but having a vagina felt too theoretical and I didn't allow myself a direct desire (maybe that was repression).
Dumb question, but what extra effects does prog have? I heard it can help with breast development - is that true?
This link explains things pretty well. Unfortunately, the author took it down due to current events in the US. This is anecdotal, but that is often all there is.
NSFW - differences between male and female orgasms, how they feel different and other stuff. Very well written, IMO.
Bonus point for my brain deciding on making me feel like crap right in the time before my exams, to add a little bit of an extra challenge to learning....
I'm so sorry 🫂
Luckily I only have 2 exams in this exam phase, both of which are somewhat easy. Main problem is, that I gonna have to learn a shit ton for the other two (who are in October) while I'm at my parents house, where its much harder to learn due to a lot of other responsibilities. So my other responsibilities + the extra dysphoria from not being able to wear skirts and getting misgendered/dead named (my parents dont know my new name yet and they should not start using it even if they knew because I'm not out in my hometown and I dont want them to accidentally my new name) will make learning for the other two exams kinda spicy.
Achievement Unlocked
Congrats? Comiserations? Let's get that thing lopped off, then ✂️
If it wouldn't just take one hell of a long time to achieve this.....
God gives his toughest battles to the girls with the biggest disphoria.
Seriously God, what the heck is up with that?
I'm sometimes still a little dysphoric about my dick too, especially because I can't wear some of the cutest clothes I want without having the feeling of presenting it to the whole world and it always being in the way, sticking out, hurting from tucking it away, but I lost interest in getting bottom surgery after realising it's not a decision between penis and vagina, but a decision between penis and an open wound you have to dilate every single day for the rest of your life so it doesn't grow shut... So I guess I just learned to deal with it because that thought scares me so much more...
Some girls just have a penis I guess
but I lost interest in getting bottom surgery after realising it’s not a decision between penis and vagina, but a decision between penis and an open wound you have to dilate every single day for the rest of your life so it doesn’t grow shut…
Good news, this is actually not true!
A neovagina is not a perpetually open wound, and it's also not true that you have to dilate every single day for the rest of your life. While it is healing, the skin graft and stitches do have to heal and they can fuse together if you don't open the canal back up with dilation, but that's just temporary during the initial recovery.
I just had a penile inversion vaginoplasty and the surgeon and their team told me that it's my canal and I can do whatever I want, there is no obligation to dilate at all past the initial recovery, but if I wanted to maintain maximum width and depth I could dilate several times a week after the first year. They said it's not uncommon for people to not dilate at all, and for penetrative sex to replace the dilation. Sometimes width can be regained later, the vagina will not seal up completely and is flexible.
Here are the specific dilation instructions I was given:
Here's a helpful video covering the basics of a vaginoplasty: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDOtejnYWAU
The idea that the neovagina is a perpetually open wound that will seal up without daily dilation is misinformation shared by anti-trans activists, usually by TERFs. Instead the vagina is pretty much like a normal vagina in function an appearance, most people cannot tell the difference between a neovagina and a natal vagina. Gender-affirming vaginoplasties have some of the lowest regret rates of any surgery and are not only very safe, but have very positive clinical outcomes in increasing quality of life.
Well I don't know what to say now... Fell to the TERF propaganda...
how does the neo vagina feel for you? Is it better now?
That's OK, I lived most of my life not transitioning because of internalized TERF-like thinking (like that I would be appropriating women's suffering by transitioning to become a woman, that wearing makeup or women's clothes would be akin to betrayal to women by perpetuating sexist norms about femininity, or that I would never want to infringe on women's spaces, and so on).
It's only been six weeks since my surgery, so I have not yet fully recovered.
I actually had complications, some wound separation where some of the skin graft didn't take near the base of the vagina, so part of the skin sloughed off. Despite that, I highly recommend it so far.
When I first looked at the vagina after the surgery, in the hospital bed, I fully expected to feel regret - instead I was flooded with relief. I had no idea how much I had been holding onto shame about my genitals, and I just broke down crying from the relief. There have been a lot of positive moments since then, and so far I haven't even remotely felt regret even in the worst moments when I temporarily was told I couldn't dilate while in the hospital and I thought I might lose my canal.
Let me know if you have any questions or if you are curious about anything.
Reading stuff like this does make me kinda jealous. But I am definitely not ready or anywhere near taking even some steps towards bottom surgery (I am not even on HRT yet and it will take some time to get this).
That makes sense. When I first transitioned I was pretty sure I wouldn't get a vaginoplasty, I could settle and live without that - I knew I needed to get an orchiectomy though. I ended up getting both - I got an orchi first and it was very much worth it. Either way, my point is that things can change quickly, I used to be extremely jealous of anyone who could pass as woman-shaped ... now I pass all the time, well beyond what I thought was possible.
Transition is hard everywhere, but as far as I understand it, the challenges in Germany are similar to other places in Europe in terms of very long wait times for heavily gatekept public services. On the other side, at least there are public services accessible for people who otherwise would never afford it, and in the meantime DIY HRT is a possibility.
I'm in the U.S. and the situation here is both worse and better in some ways. I happened to get a good enough insurance plan to cover my vaginoplasty, and had the resources to cover other expenses. Most trans folks don't have that kind of financial situation, and even people privileged enough to have insurance are often denied gender affirming care (I actually was at first too, I had to change insurance entirely when I transitioned). Even with that situation, I still had to face gatekeeping: no gender-affirming procedures would be covered by insurance unless I had been on supervised HRT for at least one year. I also had to get multiple letters from psychologists, one of which had to be "independent" (in my case my hospital had a psychiatric unit that was able to serve this purpose).
Because it's private healthcare in the U.S., the wait times are much better than Europe's public options (more like 6 - 12 months rather than 5 - 10 years).
Honestly, you might look at saving money and trying to go to Thailand for vaginoplasty, that might be the realistic alternative to the public option if that's ever a financial possibility.
Either way, just keep working towards your goals steadily - you might be surprised where you end up. :-)
Your choice is completely valid and yours to make. I just don't want people to think it's either/or in the full and opposite direction. There are options for things like zero-depth or even nullification that don't require dilation or very much recovery time.
Some girls just have a penis I guess
And some have a vulva without anything under it, or nothing at all!
and zero-depth / vulvoplasties are even safer, cheaper, etc. - and you can get a full depth later if that really becomes necessary (though I personally recommend just getting full-depth vaginoplasty upfront if you think penetration is important to you, my point is just that a zero-depth doesn't rule out a full-depth later).
Well that's terrifying