chapotraphouse

Empire was the best but ultimately all of it is for children so it’s Glorp Shittos all the way down

Half boil was underrated!

Fr. There's stuff from childhood that holds up and stuff that doesn't. It's okay to acknowledge that. I was deep into beast wars and space Jam when I was 5. Beast Wars is still a decent watch, space jam sucks. Digimon is still great, no interest in Pokémon. I just like stuff that's good

The thing that annoys me the most about star wars’ “deep lore” is that 99% of it is the most shallow and obvious shit imaginable.

My favorite things about the deep lore:

• Jedi are cops
• Jedi are cops who cannot stop slavery in the Prequels for some weird reason
• The horny bad guy who was supposedly killed in Episode 1, and then several times in Legends and disavowed by his religious extremist order actually succeeds in getting power over the Hutts, effectively proving that the Jedi Order with a prequel strength of 10,000 and quite literally the most magical space wizards ever at the time had the power to end chattel slavery all along, they just didn't want to because....
• Jedi are cops whose ranks are filled with blood tax child slaves, literal Jannisaries
• Jedi are cops who in the Old Republic (~1000 years prior to the prequels) waged a war against the "Zygerrian Slave Empire" because slavery was bad back then, but in the Republic Era slavery was good again, btw the canon is really funny that the Jedi population always seems to be capped between 10,000 and 15,000 but you know the Hutts were super powerful. Also obviously child blood tax slavery wasn't bad just the capitalist chattel kind
• Jedi are cops who are the good guys you cannot debate this, their light sabers are blue and green which means they're good and not red or orange which means evil (10000 retcons on what saber colors mean, one was invented for literally Samuel L Jackson's portrayal)
• Jedi are cops that everyone trusts to be negotiators even though they have mind control powers
• Jedi are cops that everyone trusts to be negotiators because they do not care about things like workers rights, slavery, white collar crime, corruption, etc
• Jedi are cops who have supernatural investigative skills which is why they constantly are bamboozled by the bad guy playing dress up in the building next door who they only suspected of being bad like 5 seconds before he put the final piece of his plan into motion also he kills the guy who figured it out and did nothing about it (Mace Windu) like immediately after he was set up by Anakin and Palatine
• Jedi are cops who are extreme religious fanatics and cannot tolerate apostasy or not subscribing to their religion order
• The entire plot line of the prequels to the original trilogy is:
  • cops steal child to fulfill the cop prophecy of the cop who will unleash unlimited genocide on all of the cops enemies, they call this balance
  • cop messiah whose options were slavery or religious slavery is too dang normal and loves his mom too much and is continually punished for it
  • cops fail to police corrupt politicians and to police the cop messiah child leading to the destruction of their police station and unlimited genocide on cops as the ironic fulfillment of the cop prophecy
  • son of cop messiah with no formal cop training teams up with the cop who mentored his dad
  • son of cop messiah realizes the cop messiah was his father
  • cop messiah fulfills the cop's POV of the cop prophecy (not in the original canon, retconned ~10 times in extended universe or "legends") by killing his boss because he loves son of cop messiah too much even though they met like 3 times

At least Frank Herbert had the balls to explicitly make Paul and Leto II Atraides bad guys to the reader.

The guys in the bar trying to start a fight with Luke do have multiple death warrants across the galaxy and are not just belligerent drunks bullshitting.

You ever become so alienated you need to use an old rascist trope to explain the process of friendship and or trauma bonding?

I read wooliepedia articles at work in a Palpatine voice as an ongoing work gag. I have have a deep sociological interest in the fans and the series as an ongoing phenomenon. The last time Sebulba is accounted for was on some planet which name escapes me signing autographs at 10:30am on a Saturday. This is accounted for and important

Don't give people what they want, give them something they didn't know they wanted.

It's so fucking funny that when they were looking for merch opportunities all they had was Blue Milk lmao

Star Wars having a canonical Japanese mythology-inspired origin of creator gods for their universe is so fucking lame. It's like all fantasy fiction just bends towards being the same thing given enough time.