If you can't stop thinking about the worst possible outcome, try imagining the opposite. A nice and comfortable situation that makes you happy. To take up space in your thoughts and orient you towards more pleasant emotions

That thing you like doing that makes you feel better? Stop it.

Instead do this thing that is tedious/boring that you never look forward to.

Eventually you will fool yourself into enjoying this boring/tedious task and trick your brain into releasing dopamine when you perform it.

It's minimal how you can change other people. But you can change your own environment, actions and worldview. Even though it might take a long time for your body, nervous system and brain to change and adapt.

Even if your parents want to change themselves for the benefit of your health, it might not be possible for them. But you might be able to help them by changing yourself, and then indirectly change their environment.

I was still a kid. At my first session I opened up hard. I spoke nonstop for the whole hour.

When I was walking out I asked them “now what?” And they replied “Now it’s a long battle”.

That stuck with me.

Please remember to bring exact change next time.

"No one else can do the work for you."

a therapist I had helped me rethink problems in terms of pragmatically adjusting my environment or conditions to nudge my behaviors rather than relying on willpower or behavioral changes that were slow or simply not happening

a small example was moving my computer out of my bedroom and developing a night-time routine that included reading a book before bed to help reduce compulsive computer use

realizing I am somewhat deterministic in my behavior, and my behavior is caused by conditions I have some influence over, was a helpful insight and got me past just constantly failing to live up to my expectations for myself and never moving past that - I can treat my psychological problems like puzzles to solve

Learn to identify what you're feeling.

It’s ok to look back at a painful event and have empathy for that younger person, then you can either stay there or accept any wisdom to be learned and write the next chapter but you can’t live in both places at once.

A really big part of therapy is learning how to communicate what happened, what is happening, and what you are feeling.

It takes a lot of time to organize it all into words that another person would understand, and doing so helps you.

The therapist might aslo reccomend what to do going forward but 9/10 times you already know that.

If you think you picked a bad partner because there's something wrong with you because of how you were parented, actually a bad partner sought you out because they saw those vulnerabilities in you.

Be the leaf

What is is an anchor for what can be.

That one's from Adam Savage

Also, know that you have no control over the choices of others.

Inside every man are two wolves...

Not even kidding. I had a therapist tell me this story once. I promptly found a new therapist.

Pain is relative. Yes other people may have it worse than you. The worst pain you've felt in your life is still the worst, for you. So don't write it off so easily.

• "You don't have to be mad at yourself for that any more"

• "What good does worrying about that part of your past do your current self?"

• "Come on, now. You know that's not true"

• "Don't reply to messages from your ex'

I won at therapy a few months ago. My doctor threw up his hands and went "I don't know what to tell you. Your situation is so fucked up that I can't even offer advice. Just keep on keeping on, I guess." And that actually made me feel better.

Best advice I got about my all time present self criticism was:"Imagine the self criticism or self hate in the voice of someone you don't like and don't respect. Donald Trump for example."

It makes the voice in my head that says:"You are a worthless piece of shit." entertaining at least.

"If someone met your expectations would you be mad?"

"No"

"Then maybe your expectations are too high?"