this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

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4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

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5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

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3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

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9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


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[–] RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works 56 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 38 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train

Every morning I clock into work, and 12 hours later I clock out covered in jizz because someone dropped their phone while looking at porn and turned the whole trip into a goddamn gangbang. I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally knee deep in spunk by the end of the day, because all you motherfuckers are apparently lubing up your hands and can’t get a grip. We’ve all had to start wearing blindfolds when we exit the front so we don’t accidentally get a peak and start furiously cranking our cocks to “thugposts” or “femboys” or whatever the newest horny fad is.

For the love of god, stop dropping your phone on the fucking train.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 16 points 3 months ago

It's better to cum in the train than to train in the cum.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The worst part is when someone triggers the emergency brakes at high speed and all the cum gets forced to the front of the train - that is when the laser-like leaks of highly pressurised cum cut down everything in a 1km radius.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

My wife died from high velocity cum. I'm holding a silent vigil tonight, you're welcome to come. Masturbation is allowed but only when silent and discrete.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Get a weighted coffin so it won't float.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I wish I could but we couldn't recover the body, the cum left earth's atmosphere with my wife's body attached. A panel of scientists told me her limp lifeless body is currently being pulled towards the the outer edges of the known universe, hence the vigil.

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[–] ksigley@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

I can't breathe.

[–] skankhunt42@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I love you too

puts beans in your ear

[–] skankhunt42@lemmy.ca 14 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)
[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Oh, that gif makes me uncomfortable.

I’m saving it to share with others.

[–] coldsideofyourpillow@lemmy.cafe 3 points 3 months ago

Some dude on the same train as mine started masturbating and everyone were saying like "what the fuck" and "Call the police" when he stopped. When he dropped the phone, I started masturbating to the content in question on the phone. Please put an NSFW tag, I dont want this shit happening again.

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[–] girlthing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 3 months ago

You know, I spent a lot of time today obsessing over how bad the world is getting, and wondering what the point of it all is.

This. It's this. I stick around for the weird motherfuckers who'll do shit like this, and share it on the internet.

If I must live through yet another apocaplyse, I want to do it with you.

[–] TheRtRevKaiser@sh.itjust.works 27 points 3 months ago (3 children)

What the actual fuck is that image on the screen?

[–] bunnyBoy@pawb.social 15 points 3 months ago

Chica and Bonnie from FNAF

[–] caseyweederman@lemmy.ca 10 points 3 months ago

Bowling alley animations

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[–] InnerScientist@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago

What a terrible day to have eyes.

[–] Speiser0@feddit.org 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] girlthing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 months ago

Underrated AF.

[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 20 points 3 months ago

Thanks, I hate it.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 12 points 3 months ago

I would hate to presume things but I can just tell this person just installed the Justin Bieber Linux distro on their computer (and obviously not the Hannah Montana Linux).

[–] Thorry84@feddit.nl 11 points 3 months ago

I'm not even sure this guy is using Arch...

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

I bet dude started to periodically shave his legs after this. The smoothness made him realize that women don't really shave their legs for men.

[–] bunnyBoy@pawb.social 10 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Damn, I just shaved my legs for the first time because I thought it would be fun (It definitely is interesting) like a week ago and missed the opportunity to do something like this for a laugh.

[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 months ago (3 children)

So, I actually shaved all body hair (save for the gentlemen’s region) in high school for big swim meets - it was a thing that the swim team did. Doesn’t actually make a meaningful difference unless you’re legitimately an Olympic-level competitor. I was always SUPER thrown off trying to sleep the night before the meet because sheets feel SO WEIRD on my skin without any hair on my limbs and chest.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 11 points 3 months ago

This is why you cover your bed sheets in vaseline and motor oil, amateur.

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[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

just curious, when you were done how much did you miss? my first time I missed so much 😭

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 10 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Dr. Seuss character lookin' legs.

[–] RizzoTheSmall@lemm.ee 10 points 3 months ago

That cherry Mx keyboard is pretty cash yo

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] WR5@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I ruined my search history for you: https://tinyurl.com/mra5wd35. Apparently rule34 from "Five Nights at Freddie's" game, characters called Toy Chica and Toy Bonnie.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago

A true scholar!
Ty for sharing your research.

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[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

This should be illegal.

Lmfao you absolute menace. I love it.

[–] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

Damn girl. Looking fine

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

So when did you escape from the Whoville Huskau?

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[–] Object@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago

Config pls???

[–] 0ops@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

Easy, tiger

[–] klobuerschtler@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

This is modern art.

[–] zecg@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

This is a programmer who only learns the functions xe needs

[–] Draegur@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago

Thanks I hate it

[–] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

What bet did you lose?

[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago
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