#include <delusion>
Programmer Humor
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
delusion was added in C++24 and we are stuck in C++03 ๐ญ
As a c++ professor, I would never lie to my students like this.
C++ lets you assign variables with <%%> in case your parents were killed by an equals sign.

I am trans
Do i need to learn rust?
I'm a rust developer, do I need to transition?
RemindMe! 2 years
Good read, thanks
But I believe in generics, just write your functions so that it can work with all the types ;)
translation: Just get rid of what is a boy or a girl thing. Just let people do what they like.
The idea of abolishing all gendering of things is a curiously contested one within LGBT+ spaces, as far as I can see.
I can understand how people wishing to be identified a certain way have a vested interest in the existence of markers for that identity.
On the other hand, I wish painting my nails wasn't fem-coded on some level. Of course guys can do so too, but the only "guy" I knew who did so regularly eventually turned out not to be a guy, which doesn't exactly help me ignore that connotation.
Only if you like women
Whew! Thankfully I'm a gay JavaScript user
everybody on the internet is a javascript user! do you even develop, bro?
I guess I pretend to with limp wrists.
Is that why people keep calling each other gay online?
They're putting scripting in the webpages, that TURNS THE FRICKEN USERS GAY
MatLab user
I like how it doesn't say "coder" because everyone knows MatLab isn't a real programming language
Let's not go referring to vibe coders as developers, now.
Am a trans Rust developer. Can confirm.
I'm old and remember when all the trans women were Haskellers. now they've all moved to Rust and here I am, still toiling away with my monads and combinators, a lonely spinster. ๐
What
SQL enjoyer?
Every time I use it I feels like I'm going back to the 90s. No variables, no functions; Oh but you can do a CTE or subquery.......๐
UNION ALL, UNION ALL, UNION ALL... "There's got to be a better way, surely..."
looks up better way
"Oh, what the fuck?!.... Nope, this will just be quicker..." UNION ALL, UNION ALL, UNION ALL...
Join in a table sharing column names... Everything breaks. You gotta put the new prefixes in front of all the headers you called in now. In every select, in every where, etc... Which is weird because that kinda works like a variable and it's fine...
"When you see this little piece of text, it means all this, got it?"
"Okay. Yep. Easy."
"So why can't you do that with expressions?"
SQL SCREAMS MANICALLY
"Okay, okay, okay!... Jesus..."
And then you try put a MAX in a where and it won't let you because you gotta pull all the maxes out in their own query, make a table, join them in, and use them like a filter...
I hate it. It has speed, when you can finally run the script, but everything up to that is so...ugh.
Personally I feel like SQL syntax is upside down, and things are used before they are defined.
SELECT
a.id -- what the fuck is a?
, a.name
, b.city -- and b??
from users a -- oh
join city b on a.id = b.user_id -- oh here's b
I'd expect it to instead be like
From users a
join city b on a.id = b.user_id
SELECT
a.id,
a.name,
b.city
While I agree that "SQL Enjoyer" seems like a weird category, I personally love SQL. I've been using it professionally for over 20 years, and I've yet to encounter a more elegant, efficient, and practical language for handling data in a relational database. Every attempt I've seen to replace it with something simpler has fallen far short.
Which database systems were you dealing with, that didn't allow variables? My personal favorite is PostgreSQL, which does allow them on scripting languages, such as PLPGSQL.
See, I don't have to worry about such details. I work in corporate software dev, which means that everything is an MSSQL database where most of the tables contain only an ID of a table-specific format and a JSON blob. Why use an ORM when you can badly reimplement NoSQL in a relational database instead?
Java !

C++, ew, no thanks, also where is C??
You can't spell "INCEL" without "C"
๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
Never c++
Me, looking between a picture of Bjarne Stroustrup and OP: ... are you sure about that?
Programming in C++ is downright horrifying to me after trying other languages. The way it does generics is fucked up on so many levels...
Feels a bit like being told to do brain surgery and getting handed a hatchet, especially in the modern era.
Like, its a great learning language precisely because it does force you to think about what's actually under the hood of your objects and attributes. You actually have to learn what a pointer is. You actually have to think about memory usage and system states. Its like Bio 1 when they have you dissect a rat.
But without a ton of library support, you're doing so much heavy lifting. And with a bunch of library support... why not just use C#?
...do you mean C++ or just C? Cause, sure, you can poke around with pointers and references in C++ but it can also be used just like any other OOP language, whereas in C it's absolutely necessary since it's not an OOP language.
I was a C/C++ dev for a long time. Then a while back I got an ewaste Thinkpad running Linux and have started developing in Rust. When do my programming socks show up?
I expected circular arrows pointing back towards themselves for many on the diagram.
I do find C++ and Rust very attractive. Iโm sure some of the other languages have very nice personalities, though.