this post was submitted on 30 Mar 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 27 comments
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[–] DragonOracleIX@lemmy.ml 25 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

Whoever is poisoning the AI search results, please don't stop. These are hilarious.

[–] baatliwala@lemmy.world 5 points 20 hours ago

Could just be inspect element tbh

[–] onyxjet@lemmy.world 3 points 20 hours ago

Okay wait, is this actually a thing? Because I have had this video saved for a little bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt0EGonTKuQ

[–] ThatGuy46475@lemmy.world 144 points 1 day ago (8 children)

First of all, - just for some background: My mom died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's ****** up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up. 

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie. 

I don't want to go into to many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me- but I thought she was so ******* beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy **** went down and I had to leave home. (My dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it). 

Sooo... I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home. 

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to **** her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her... and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly. 

After we left, we all went to crash with my Sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my Sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging. 

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time. 

My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was ****** up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips. 

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart... and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever ******* seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh. 

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised. 

But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party... my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

[–] HatchetHaro@pawb.social 8 points 20 hours ago

reading this was like watching a train wreck, and the final sentence sent the train plowing straight into me.

[–] samus12345@lemm.ee 5 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

I feel like the fact that he didn't know she was his sister is crucial information that isn't mentioned. Although she claimed to have always known somehow, so...

[–] onyxjet@lemmy.world 2 points 20 hours ago

Made my day

[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 86 points 1 day ago (1 children)

OH THATS THE STAR WARS PLOT? WHAT THE FU

[–] milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 17 points 1 day ago

😂😂😂🤣🤣😂

I read the whole thing through and didn't even realise.

[–] foofiepie@lemmy.world 34 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If that’s not a copypasta then you are amazing.

[–] bollybing@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 20 hours ago

It's a copypasta

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 30 points 1 day ago

That's an intense story. I think it'd make a great series of three movies, then a mediocre series of three prequels, then get milked to hell until it's barely recognizable.

You're facing Darth Vader, and she got turned off by that!? Definitely a red flag.

[–] milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 16 points 1 day ago

But... How many USB ports?

[–] salvaria@lemmy.blahaj.zone 111 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It depends, how many USB ports does the sister have?

[–] IndiBrony@lemmy.world 52 points 1 day ago (3 children)

You have to check her manual...

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 32 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] imnotafish@midwest.social 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah, just poke around until you find a hole that fits

[–] Deello@lemm.ee 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If it doesn't fit just flip her over. It's usually a pretty tight fit. It might take a few tries if you don't have visual confirmation like when reaching for the rear.

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 10 points 1 day ago

always peek before you poke.

[–] Strath@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago
[–] sundrei@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 1 day ago

If you've lost the manual, you may have to digitally probe...

Forget I said that.

[–] Enkers@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 day ago

Maybe you and your sister should RTFM together.

[–] sunnie@sopuli.xyz 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

to be fair, that is a pretty stupid question, you can't give the ai too much shit for overcomplicating it

[–] sunnie@sopuli.xyz 32 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah the marked text threw me off the trail. But yes that is still an incredibly stupid question.