Autism

Sound - as we are coming into party season. Some techno music was playing all night, the heartbeat-raising kind that travels through the granite, but I was not 100% sure if it also could be a combine harvester working at night, or even my fridge playing up, or a mix of all of these. So I had to listen to the sounds to figure out what they were, all night, and it kept me busy and annoyed. I'm afraid if I don't get my lunchtime nap today I'll throw myself a toddler tantrum later.

Light is awful but I can close my eyes at least.

The sound of children. I absolutely detest hearing those banshee wails.

I go feral with the lawnmowers start up in the neighborhood. Im also near a small airport, the planes are bad but when The black hawks and shinooks are out doing drills is the worst cuz they just circle and circle until I feel insane.

sometimes, you get inccenant plane take offs, lawnmowers, highway traffic, and dogs barking all at the same time. I like being outside but holy fuck

Road noise; mostly just the constant tyre sound of a busy street. I hate it.

I especially hate extremely loud emotional support vehicles, but those are a passing annoyance compared to the near constant wirr of tyres on dirty asphalt.

the neighbor's incredibly loud music at all hours of the day and night, more specifically-the subwoofers thumping. it just penetrates your very being and there's no earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones or white noise machines to help with that.

Smells. #1 trigger.

Also how i realised i was asd. Turns out neurotypicals don't get angered by smells

Phone calls. The combination of audio compression, noise, and microphone/speaker quality make it extremely frustrating to have phone conversations.

I love dogs, even had one growing up. But my neighbor has these Lapphunds (he got them for his kid but the kid moved away yeeaars ago and left the dogs with the dad) and he can't handle them. No training, leaves them in the summer heat, don't take them for walks, keeps them loose so they yap and even try to bite people walking by. Not joking, I have almost gotten bitten once and they attacked my late-dog multiple times as well as my friends coming to my house. And those dogs yap constantly, all the time they're outside which is most of the day. Just this constant whining, screaming, howling, yapping and barking. He has told me that he can't get them to behave. Yeah, I'm aware. But they're getting old now so maybe max 3 years and it will be quiet here again..

Air blowing over my skin is the worst.

Bright lights are bad, but they're nothing compared to having a fan actively moving air across me. I can feel every bit of turbulence and it's so distracting that it makes me want to stab something or tear my own skin off.

Now that it's Summer everyone and their mother at work wants to have a personal fan on their desk or use a shop fan on the floor to keep cool and when I have to work with them it's torture.

I'd rather be hot and just drink more water.

Attention requests. If I hat to juggle three or more things that require my attention I start having urges to pummel them to fine dust. Doesn't matter if they are my kids, co-workers, or even just machines.

N o t i f i c a t i o n s .

My phone going ping because someone outside of work wants something. Slack going ping because someone at work wants something. Windows going ding because of some bullshit and I'm not allowed to use Linux for work. Some other thing going ping in the distance because it's not connected to the internet, or it is connected to the internet and has an update.

Why did we build this world for ourselves

Why so many lamps. I suggest a ratio of giant lamps to tiny rooms that is just: no. No big light!

Strangers touching me, UGH

Overhead lights Showers That tingy sound a lot of hairdryers have Really repetitive sounds Babies wailing, I can handle crying but when they really get going I feel like I need to crawl out of my skin

During a bad summer, living in a shitty thin caravan park permanent thing, I was stuck with an old portable A/C unit.

At some point, one of the pump rotors went out of alignment and made a horrible buzzing, grinding sound. I was already stressed out as fuck from the heat, and the noise drove me to actual insanity and tears.

And my fucking shitbag family refused to help fix it.

I very nearly smashed the whole thing to pieces trying to get the grinding to stop.

Noise is my trigger, clearly.

The loud rumbling of vehicles (typically trucks and larger), the loud booming of a car blasting their music, and power tools like hacks-all, band saws, table saws...

I get irrationally frightened, like I can only shrink down and cover until it's over.

But for irrationally irritated? Other's sadness and frustration. I dont know what's wrong, and I cant fix it. Cat screaming uncontrollably, people "in a mood", crying children that won't stop.

I then get frustrated. "Why won't you eat?" "MEOW!!!!!!"

Lyrics in songs while trying to talk to someone or read something. Have to turn the music down or off. Maybe has to do with English being my second language, but I can process only one stream of audio information at once.

Honestly, sometimes lamps annoy me more then an over head light. Lamps are normal about eye level, so they shine directly into my eyes more often. Where as over head light it on the roof, were I don't normally look.

And then there is the issue of actually lighting the room well enough for me to see. Sometimes lamps aren't enough and I can't see what I am doing well enough. Building legos for example. It super hard to see what color piece I am being told to use when the lighting to too dim/far away/too warm. But my ND partner hate over head lights. So I suffer (hyperbolic)

Guls screeching. Makes me gag. Also causes big emotional rage.

Lawnmowers, helicopters, vacuum cleaners, hairdryers.

Although, it does not bug me until I'm flinching from the build up of chinese water torture all over on my nerves and I'm flopping around on the floor like I'm being electrocuted, with a full bore panic attack having the universe rapidly collapse on me over and over, possibly crapping myself too. Very unpleasant.

And worst about it, no one will stop, nor even make any accommodation for me, not even like merely shouting "lawnmower" to warn me when it's starting (or better yet, earlier, to let me get mega-dosed up on thiamine & benfotiamine, minerals, b-vits, cbd, ashvagandha, etc, and get noise cancelling headphones (+working batteries), and go to toilet before driving away out of earshot).

A cloudless sky on a day I have to go outside does me in.

I had a long call with some old friends the other day and was describing how I've been feeling unusually down for the last year or so without knowing why... and they said, hmm, does this have anything to do with how our entire country feels badly right now? And that was my light bulb moment. Not sure why that wasn't obvious to me, but I guess that's what friends are for.