Fake/gay analysis: true and straight. Source: dated religious girl who's mother was a religious lunatic. Super fucking likely to happen
this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2026
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This is not unusual in my opinion. In my childhood, I attended Catholic, Baptist, and Assembly of God churches, and this would not have raised any eyebrows. Especially with Assembly of God.
If the people only knew what they are supporting with their tax dollars (in USA, churches pay no taxes)! It's obscene and frankly ridiculous. The farther you go in the church, the crazier things are.
And make no mistake, they will kill you. The best part of adulthood for me was getting out of the church, as a kid I was horrified every day with these absolute lunatics.
I was once invited to a pool party by a girl back when I was a freshman at college. When I got there they were baptizing people.
There was free food though so I stuck around.
Claming demonic attacks without the popes approval? Well that's sounds like a reason for a excommunication...
They're probably not Catholic. This is peak American evangelical crazy right here.
Everyone is going with the satanism or whatever non-Christian antics they are coming up with.
That's too easy.
Study some Bible verses and understand the tenents of the religion. Learn enough about the family to find something you can use. Then break up with her by saying her family are heretics and state that reason. Tell her they're all going to hell and close the door tight. Never talk to her again.
You get it. Insidious "mustard seeds", if so needed. You can't always logic someone quickly, it takes a lot of time to even consider changing any core beliefs. But I really value my time. So it's either worth it, or I'm taking the path of least resistance... aka, "your family's the devil and you didn't even know. Sorry, God certainly loves YOU though. And maybe we woulda worked in a different life, but until then; bye and god bless"
It schisma time!!!!!!!
I dated a religious girl for three years. Her mom was a pastor at a small church. She was a regular practicing Christian. Definitely had some habits and customs I wasn't used to. I mostly just nodded along and was polite.
Never really caused us problems long term. We ended up breaking up after our jobs pulled us in different directions. We're still good friends and we regularly keep in touch.
Someone claiming to have a GF on 4chan - especially in 2026 - is extremely sus. Sounds fake and/or gay to me. Don't take it too seriously.
It's a spectrum. Yeah most are normies but in the bible belt and suicide belt regions of the US you get some certified wackjobs who think every obvious fuckup is a "supernatural attack".
Don't ask who I'm quoting that phrase from.
Most are normies? I'll need some kind of source for that, my life experience says otherwise.
Who are you quoting that phrase from?
My master, Satan, says we should have premarital sex immediately
It's a win either way
Well … a lot Christians love to suffer. It’s rooted in the faith that life is suffering
No, that's Buddhism. Christians like to make other people suffer. Ideally immigrants, minorities and queers, but they will settle for anyone. Their own children usually.
It's Christian, too, as said throughout the Bible. Their relief from suffering is in the afterlife.
I once managed to get heatstroke in a air-conditioned car in the middle east. May not have been demonic possession, but sure as shit felt like it xD the heat down there is metal af. Ten minutes outside is life threatening. Put some things into perspective for my Scandinavian ass.
Oddly, the two super churchy women I've "been with" ended up leaving the church afterwards. Maybe OP should do a little 🫰🤌🤏 to her 🍑 and see what happens.
God, emoji are so tainted. Before reading this comment, I thought it was going to be AI slop...
This dude knows how to do it
"Listen, your mon had a heatstroke. This isn't a demonic attack. It's common knowledge that this happens when doing hard work in extreme heat. I can't be with someone who's family believes that demons are behind common medical conditions. In other words: your family is insane and I can't date you anymore. Bye"
How dare you sir, don't deny my faith! /s
There's only one way: Anon should simulate fainting like the mom and then explain that god told them they have to break up.
Nothing pisses religious nutjobs more than telling them that God spoke to you and said you were holier than they are.
"You guys need a priest to tell you what God wants? Why, he doesn't check in with you personally? What did you do to piss him off?"
Speak it in Latin and claim you don't know what Latin even is. Then use Google Translate like some time later and tell her.
If she ask any questions just say the usual, "God works in mysterious ways", "maybe this is a test from God like in the book of Job", or "are you questioning my faith or yours?"
"I think the demon attached itself from you. If God favored you then He'd protect you from them, I think someone in your family is harboring a Dark Presence. We're unequally yoked."
I'd wake up and say "God says that he's pissed that you keep doing dangerous stuff, and expecting Him to pull your sorry asses out of the fire. He says it ends now, and you're on your own. If you pass out in the hot summer sun, you're going to die, and your constant annoyances mean that your place in heaven is not secure. He's not real thrilled about have to live in close proximity, whee you'll be dropping by every day for coffee. He thinks Satan ought be able to settle y'all down a bit. Just something to think about...oh yeah, Sweetie? We're over. Bye!"
"thats the devil talkin' "
Anon should just tell the parable of the drowning man and then just say, that's why I'm breaking up with you.
I remember playing this 3 day LARP, the kind with pre-written in-depth characters and story that is played over 3 days strait in characeter, in Wierd Wild West setting, where I played a Trapper that was about to marry someone from the local village, my family was married into but my parents died shortly after.
It eventually turned out that the whole village is a cult that eats people to keep some kind of evil imprisoned, and my fiance's family is the one spiritually leading it, and I still can't forget the nights spent trying to reasonably argue and discuss with my fiance that it's definitely not ok and we should just leave.
I obviously never had to have discussions like this in real life, but it was pretty interesting how extremely futile it is. They have so many arguments you can't say anything against. Once they start with "But this is our purpose given to us by God, if we don't do this the whole world will end", or "It was God's will, you will understand soon", you really don't have much to say to that to get through.
Of course, it was just a LARP and she played her character well, but now I can pretty vividly imagine that talking to someone who's so much into anything like that is extremely difficult, to the point of being futile.
(I managed to convince her to leave, the winning argument was "Your grandmother tried to poison me, here is proof", lol).
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When Anon breaks up with her they will claim he was a demon sent to test their faith.
As someone who grew up in a conservative, Baptist home, I can tell you that this 100% isn't the most insane thing I've heard or seen, but it falls right in line.
Insane how grown ass adults believe in absolute fairy tales written by the rich/kings to keep the lower classes subservient. In 2026.
I'd love to ask someone in the 1940s what they'd think of 2026. I bet they'd think we were all living on other planets and half cyborg by now. But nah. Trillionaires.
I feel like a trillionaire in 2026 would not be that surprising to someone from the 1940s, considering they had billionaires back then too.
Right. But I'm not sure they'd think this much wealth disparity would still exist with all the technology.
My cousin wouldn't let his daughter watch Wicked because they whisper a spell during the movie.
I literally asked "Are you fucking serious?"
The query went right by his perception of me questioning his sanity as if I was making a remark in regards to the film itself.
Yeah, man. They're everywhere.
"r-right."
My parents nearly didn't let me read or watch Harry Potter "cuz witchcraft". There is a lot of stupid out there.
Yep. My mom is the last thing I hold any level of doubt for. I let her have her Christian thises and thats and I indulge her just enough to keep her happy. She was and is a great, loving mother who deserves to go out comfortably, and I'm seeing to it.
.. but the very week she's gone, the filter is off and is never going back on. No one else deserves it and it literally sucks the life out of me to nod along to someone else's insanity when they're around. It's draining.
I have to wash off with NetGeo documentaries, Nova episodes and Twain essays after every visit.
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I'd probably talk to the girl and see if she holds the same beliefs. She's Christian, yes, but there are plenty of people raised in such families that use the term out of familiarity, but don't share the extreme views of their parents.
Though with that said, even if the girl isn't off the deep end, I'd understand that having her parents as potential in-laws could be a bridge too far.
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