Whether I find this design scary or appealing depends entirely on who wrote the software the robot is running.
this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2026
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Now i didn't read the whole book, but I think this is what Cory Doctorow was trying to warn us about.
what the fuck
this is on the offical website
it can't get any more threatening than this
Don't worry, they made sure it's killable!
inverse airbag safety
This definitely started with some engineer saying “how are we going to get around the critical design flaw of these bigass pressurized air containers in the robot being potentially explosive and relatively easy to puncture?”
Marketing it as “give the plebs you sic this thing on a fighting chance, it’ll be funny” is actually a stroke of genius lmao
How much XP will I get?
I'm pretty sure they know exactly what they're doing.
Looks like something from the SCP wiki
WHY DID THEY GIVE IT COLOSSUS EYES
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I'm gonna fuck it.
ಠ_ಠ
spoiler
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
Yeah it needs a fleshlight mount on the backside and I'll take it to a cliff where it has no choice but to push back.
Well SatansMaggotyCumFart, you have clearly thought about this quite in detail!
Honestly the only surprising part here is that you haven't.
Only if it doesn’t fuck you first
Either way I win.
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jfc, could they make it any more fucking ominous?
Plus, the whole "you can easily disable it by puncturing the lung-analog air tank in its torso with a weapon or projectile" and "the horns are to slow it down moving through doorways" bits. What exactly are you trying to design against again because that sounds like a creature, or at the very least something autonomous, not a remote operated robot.
Surely this is satire, right?
No, it is satyress.
Possible, but I feel like a lot of effort went in for it to only be satire. No obvious AI images, multiple views of the thing including close up of the "hand" and they're all consistent. Could be made as an art sculpture and this is the satirical product page, maybe.
Looks like all the current news coverage of it is reacting as if it's real/credible as well.
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VIbes of the 7 foot tall 7/11 stocking robot.
Oh boy! I get two new nightmare demons today!
Threehalves? So... Manbearpig?
Al Gore: "I told you guys! I said I was Super Cereal."
Yay I can hardly wait for hordes of these things owned by governments and corporations to be armed and active around the globe!
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Why does it need four legs??? Why centaur??? Can we not???
Two-legged walk cycles are very complicated and unstable.
You didn't ask, but the horns are so it can't fit through the door (and kill you)
Actually, according to the website the horns are cameras providing a wider view so it is more capable of doing its job. Very functionally necessary. 😁
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That's not a centaur, thats an abomination.
It shoots a slippery white gel from its undercarriage to cause crimilals to slip up and get confused and trapped and hnnnngh
Like, once you get over the terror of the very real concern that this could be used against you to injure you, it's actually pretty cool.
I mean, imagine if you owned it, you could ride it to work, and it could use its arms to carry weapons to attack other bad centaur riders on your way into the office.
Road rage incidents become jousting matches
The window to defeat the unholy alliance of fascists, technofeudalists and plutocrats in the USA is rapidly closing. After they can field such robots in mass, it's going to be over. Forever.
Oh good, you can put chainsaws in the wrist holes
alright, i actually kinda fuck with nightmare robots thats cool
Okay, so... Aside from the creepy terrifying robot thing, what's happening in this picture? Is that a door with a full plate glass window... in a wall between two hallways? Is the bot just standing in a large empty room staring through a door without opening it?
It's to show that it can't fit through a standard door quickly.
https://www.satyress.com/#safety
Threehalves will be substantially slowed if attempting to navigate a standard American 32"x80" door, and cannot turn around in a 42" wide hallway or enter a door orthogonal to the hallway. Larger horns can be fit to prevent any passage through pedestrian doors.
It's hard to tell if the whole thing is a joke or not. How should much focus should be put on the name satyress
They say that they've made it look scary so that people will not underestimate how dangerous a robot with extreme strength could be to humans around it. Which actually sort of makes sense. It's designed to look like a warning basically to reduce the chance of it accidentally injuring someone while working.
Reminds me of back in the day when I worked in various data centers that had Man-traps for controlling access. I could see them being upgraded to release one of these on you if you failed to properly authenticate when inside one.
Finally we're getting to the real sexbots
OK WORLD let's just get out in front of this, Dungeon Crawler Carl is a series of fantasy books, NOT a treatise on how to run society in the future...
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