this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2025
751 points (99.2% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

32017 readers
4012 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] tourist@lemmy.world 206 points 1 month ago (3 children)

They didn't have any abbreviations ready for that sentence

[–] HoneyMustardGas@lemmy.world 79 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

"So, what code do we put in for the insurance company?"

[–] piefood@piefed.social 187 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)
[–] Anarki_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 40 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] HoneyMustardGas@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Definitely awarded

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 11 points 1 month ago
[–] Wilco@lemm.ee 4 points 1 month ago

This explains everything in 5 characters.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Gork@lemm.ee 30 points 1 month ago
[–] BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 40 points 1 month ago

If the chief complaint is funny/fucked up enough, we won't abbreviate it

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 27 points 1 month ago

FGT SPNR STK ON PNS

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 58 points 1 month ago (8 children)
[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 52 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't have a penis, but I for one was a total idiot at age 9.

[–] absentbird@lemm.ee 18 points 1 month ago

Not having a penis: the perfect counter to the fidgit spinner trap

[–] UltraMasculine@sopuli.xyz 41 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm much older than 9 and stuff gets stuck on my penis all the time.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 16 points 1 month ago

Check out Mr. Popular over here with his social life.

[–] BakerBagel@midwest.social 35 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Boys start playing with their weiners as soon as their hands can start grasping stuff. It's instinctual.

[–] iheartneopets@lemm.ee 8 points 1 month ago (3 children)

It's instinctual in that all babies explore their genitals as soon as they can start willfully moving their hands, yes. It's not just boys having a special connection to their genitalia.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yeah, but we make it our personality!

[–] iheartneopets@lemm.ee 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] dumbass@leminal.space 3 points 1 month ago

Nawww you miss your opportunity to call someone a dumbass and get away with it... dumbass.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] tomi000@lemmy.world 33 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I dont think 15yo penises fit into fidget spinners, but Im not an expert on child genitalia.

[–] ZeffSyde@lemmy.world 70 points 1 month ago

I'll ask my priest.

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 20 points 1 month ago

It really depends on both the size of the fidget spinner and the will of the child.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Dozzi92@lemmy.world 27 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

My wife texted me the other day:

You know that yellow slide our son carries around? Well, he started sticking his penis in it, you have to talk to him now.

He's 4. It's just what boys do.

[–] GoodLuckToFriends@lemmy.today 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Yeah, children play with their genitals far more than I ever wanted to believe. I don't really remember doing it as a kid, but it wouldn't surprise me if most parents, including mine, have stories about the odd things that happen.

[–] iheartneopets@lemm.ee 4 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Not just boys. Girls explore and test boundaries with their genitals too.

[–] Dozzi92@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Have a daughter also, so I know it all too well! Our focus is "It's normal but private." We will see how that goes.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] dumbass@leminal.space 6 points 1 month ago

You gotta start somewhere.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 month ago

I was jerking off around that age, hadn't ever seen any porn or anything, no need to call child protection, it was just natural for me

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 32 points 1 month ago (2 children)

15 mins at the swimming pool is cheaper than ER

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] toofpic@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago

The ultimate Helicopter Dick.

[–] SassyRamen@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Right foot penis, abdomen penis, back penis, fidgit spinner.. still spinning!

[–] PapstJL4U@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

That's why you explain what the helicopter really is...

[–] dechnically@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago

he's literally me

[–] HappySkullsplitter@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

Directions unclear

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I've seen some different sizes of fidget spinners, but no way is anyone that small lol

[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 24 points 1 month ago (4 children)
[–] Zidane@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago

We all know boys don't grow dick and balls until puberty

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I mean, as someone who was once 9 (and I'm not lacking but I'm not that gifted either), still idk about this. They used skateboard bearings, like bones reds but cheaper (if you wanna make that shit fly, throw some swiss ceramics in there). I never fidget spun because I'm old but I skated so I recognized them instantly. Maybe if the bearing was popped out, but no way anyone fits in a fidget spinner with the bearing in.

That axle hole is 8mm, the external diameter is still only 22mm, but maybe, if the wiener in question can squish down to roughly 23mm. Still hard to believe. Reds pictured for reference.

3621

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I’d guess if you were 9 years old and super flaccid you could kind of mush it through there.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Like it didn't happen to everybody at some point.

[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] KingBoo@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] nichtburningturtle@feddit.org 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's a 9 year old and some spinners have a hole on each side.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ImmersiveMatthew@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Someone did not know that alcohol makes you soft.

[–] assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Yeah. Lets get the 9yo drunk

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It builds character, dammit!

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›