Ask Lemmy

Pull out a joint and start smoking it and ask if they want a hit

Fart into an airzooka and shoot the fart at the interviewers.

Just tell the interviewer how great their feet look.

"All professional decisions I make come down to a simple question: what would Marx do"

Go for the hand shake and then pull a Hitler salute.

Based on my job obtaining ability in the last year apparently be me.

"Before I answer any questions, tell me about the real pay package, bonus structure, vacation and sick days and promotions schedule. I also have to warn you in advance that I have flight booked to Barbados next month so we can count that as a signing bonus."

Show up naked

'My Myers-Briggs is NSFW'.

Whatever I've been doing for the past year, apparently.

I actually did this. Maybe not within thirty seconds or so, but I was applying for a higher level position (above my current classification) at a collections agency. Was kind of sick of the grind but others thought I should be promoted, but interview was required first. I basically told them over and over that if they paid me the right salary I'd do the job. They were not impressed, and my then manager had a few words for me the next day. Oh to be young and not having a care in the world. I also knew I had a different career path in mind, so I wasn't interested in staying either.

If I'm genuinely speed running this and don't have consequences is probably drop slurs followed by multiple, conflicting extreme political opinions involving violence and the like. The goal is that even if you find a racist who is excited about your slurs you can hit 'em with extreme progressive takes like "kill all men" or something.

Worst case, after saying a bunch of bad things and conflicting opinions they'll probably still just think you're odd.

A better but boring answer, just say "nevermind, I don't want this job" first thing. lol.

"Hey, were you at that BDSM orgy the other night?"

Sit down, look at the picture of the (child aged) daughter of the person interviewing you, and ask if she's single.

In the movie Trainspotting, Spud took a bunch of speed right before his job interview to mess up any chances he had of getting hired.

So... that.

I'd like to disclose my disability from my time in federal prison.

Start by asking how many paid days off and what is the drinking policy on the job

Show up naked and shit on the receptionist

Just keep trying as hard as I can

Repeat everything the interviewer says back to them in Yosemite Sam's voice, but punctuate every sentence with "removed!"

I’d pull a Hal Incandeza and just sit there. When they ask my why I’m not speaking, I’ll just start screeching, making weird faces, and writhing around.

All I’d have to do is turn up.

“Why do you want this job/to work here?” “I’m just looking for something interesting to do for a while, get out of the house a bit. This sounds interesting enough.”

They hear: I don’t need a job, I may not need money, I may already have a job, I’m not picky about where I work so I’m probably not planning to stay, I’m likely to be weird or high maintenance, I’m very likely to move on quickly if I’m no longer entertained, and most importantly, I don’t need this specific job so I won’t take abuse of any sort.

This does work to land food service jobs, though, because they don’t really care. They gain and lose staff so frequently that if you just aren’t a complete shitshow you’ll get the job.

Blow the interviewer

I went to an interview for a company in the west coast and I was in central time. the recruiter told me that they had core hours and I'd have some flexibility. one of the first questions was whether I was willing to work Pacific time, which I wasn't, especially since it wasn't the best paying job in the world. That interview lasted about 30 seconds.

Fart into my cupped hand while making (and not breaking eye contact) and proceed to "throw" it in the interviewers general direction. (Extra points if you can do this with a straight face)

First few ideas: Talk about how I'm not really big on the whole "working hard" thing, immediately bring up and start ranting about weird political ideas, "I'm worth X, take it or leave it"

As the title suggests, blow a job interviewer in the first 30 seconds will blow a job interview in 30 seconds

Easy, just don't come at all